Absolutely Anything

Synopsis: Some aliens, who travel from planet to planet to see what kind of species inhabit them, come to Earth. And if humans are, according to their standards, decent, they are welcomed to be their friend. And if not the planet is destroyed. To find out, they choose one inhabitant and give that person the power to do whatever he/she wants. And they choose Neil Clarke, a teacher who teaches the special kids. He is constantly being berated by the headmaster and is attracted to his neighbor, Catherine, but doesn't have the guts to approach her. But now he can do anything he wants but has to be careful.
Genre: Comedy, Sci-Fi
Director(s): Terry Jones
Production: Atlas Distribution
Rotten Tomatoes:
85 min

- No.

Look, I guarantee you

a 50% return on your money

before the end of classes today.

So when do you make your move on

Miss Booker Prize downstairs, then?

Oh, I don't. Turns out she's a bit

literal-minded, no foresight.

Whereas me,

I can see for miles into the future.

A man needs a woman, Neil.

- I've got Dennis.

- Dennis is male.

And he's a dog, in case you hadn't noticed.

Yeah, well, I don't want to complicate my life.

This is a tenner!


Accessing representative images

of earthlings.

Communication will be carried on

in the language of the species to be judged.

I'm sorry, I'm not understanding.


- Is that better, Kylie?

- Understanding you now, Sharon.

By the power invested in me by

the Intergalactic Council of Superior Species,

I hereby pronounce

a destruction order on the planet Earth.

With great respect, Sharon,

we should not pronounce a destruction order

before we've given these earthlings

a chance to prove themselves.

They've penetrated

intergalactic space.

Maureen is right.

They're clearly not a superior species.

Look at the way they copulate.

If these earthlings

can convince us that they are superior beings,

then they may join our society.

If they cannot, we must eliminate them,

for the moral well-being of the entire

Intergalactic Community.

Thank you for explaining it to me, Sharon.

Not at all, Miss Barker.

No, Grant, I don't want to talk to you.

No, I don't want to see you, either.

We had a great time last summer but it's over.

What part of over do you not understand?

Thank you for calling. Goodbye.

These questions of yours

make it sound as if I thought

this bloody author

can string two words together.

But he can. It's a wonderful book.

Darling, didn't you read the memo?

Rate this script:(5.00 / 1 vote)

Terry Jones

Terence Graham Parry "Terry" Jones (born 1 February 1942) is a Welsh writer, actor, comedian, screenwriter, film director, presenter, poet, historian and author. He is best known as a member of the Monty Python comedy troupe. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Absolutely Anything" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 19 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/absolutely_anything_2172>.

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