Absolutely Anything Page #2

Synopsis: Some aliens, who travel from planet to planet to see what kind of species inhabit them, come to Earth. And if humans are, according to their standards, decent, they are welcomed to be their friend. And if not the planet is destroyed. To find out, they choose one inhabitant and give that person the power to do whatever he/she wants. And they choose Neil Clarke, a teacher who teaches the special kids. He is constantly being berated by the headmaster and is attracted to his neighbor, Catherine, but doesn't have the guts to approach her. But now he can do anything he wants but has to be careful.
Genre: Comedy, Sci-Fi
Director(s): Terry Jones
Production: Atlas Distribution
 
IMDB:
6.0
Metacritic:
31
Rotten Tomatoes:
19%
R
Year:
2015
85 min
$673,096
Website
985 Views


We're doing a demolition job.

But it's the best thing he's ever written.

Everyone says so.

That's why we have to pee on it

from a great height.

I want ten new questions, please, before noon.

Don't you know? She never reads the books.

She hates books.

Why is she presenting

a book programme, then?

I spy trouble. Just...

Look, Catherine, you may despise her ego,

but that's what people tune in to see.

Not books, not authors, God forbid,

but Fenella's rampant, pulsating,

sexually arousing ego.

No, I think people watch because

it's a book programme and they love books.

Books are finished.

Our job is to provide scandal, gossip

and character assassination,

with a thin veneer of literary respectability.

Oh, so we're not just selling out, then?

We've sold out?

Exactly.

For God's sake, smile.

It's enough to make you weep, isn't it?

What?

The price of pickles.

Don't even look at the marinated herring.

Honestly, you'd be suicidal.

I didn't want them, anyway.

Thanks.

Um, I also offer support and counselling

on dips, dried fruit and pasta sauces.

She's gone.

- The usual test, Sharon?

- The usual test, Kylie.

One earthling will be chosen randomly,

as defined by

the Intergalactic Manual of Good and Evil.

Page 56. paragraph B.

Uh, page 56, paragraph D.

Uh, right.

To prove that they understand

the difference between good and evil.

How will they prove it?

They will be given the power

that all superior beings have.

The earthling will be capable

of doing absolutely anything.

What if he uses his power for evil?

The Earth will be eliminated.

But if he uses it for good?

Then we welcome them

to the Intergalactic Community.

Are we ready, gentlemen?

Commencing random

selection of earthlings.

Processing...

Processing...

Earthling.

Jolly good!

Wait!

Selected.

The earthling has ten days to prove

he can use absolute power for good

rather than for evil.

God.

F*** you!

All they want me to do is help them

sneer at people who write wonderful books.

Well, my producer just wants me

to dig up dirt on Amenhotep Ill.

I keep telling them he had a kind nature

and lovely hands.

I would have loved to spend

an evening with Amenhotep Ill.

Yeah, except he's been dead

4,000 years, Rosie,

and he'd spend all day long

talking about embalming.

Well, find me a good one that's still breathing.

Tell me about it.

What about Grant?

Oh, well, Colonel Grant

turned out to have issues.

Jssues?

- Yeah, like being clinically insane.

Shame.

Maybe that's overstating it.

Uh, just obsessive, possessive

and pathologically jealous.

What about him upstairs?

Oh, he tried to cheer me up

in the supermarket.

Oh, so he's gay?

What?

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Terry Jones

Terence Graham Parry "Terry" Jones (born 1 February 1942) is a Welsh writer, actor, comedian, screenwriter, film director, presenter, poet, historian and author. He is best known as a member of the Monty Python comedy troupe. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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