A Million Ways to Die in the West

Synopsis: Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. But when she leaves him for the more successful and handsome owner of a moustachery store, Albert returns to his lonely daily life of trying to avoid death. Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly husband in town, Albert is going to have to become the western gun-slinging hero he never was. It won't be easy because there are a million ways to die in the west.
Director(s): Seth MacFarlane
Production: Universal Pictures
  6 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
116 min

farmer has to do

is keep all of his sheep

in one place, all right.

I went to your farm the other day,

and I saw one in the backyard,

three way up on the ridge,

two in the pond, and

one on the roof.

Okay, that's Bridget, all right?

She has a problem with retardation,

but she's full of love.

Look, we're getting off

track here, all right?

Why don't you just tell

me what the problem is

and then maybe I can fix it?

Maybe if I were older,

the timing would be right.

But people are living

to be 35 these days

and a girl doesn't

have to just go off

and get married right away.

I just, I have to...

I have to work on myself.

Oh, my God.

- You did not just say that.

- What?

"I have to work on myself."

Louise, that's the

oldest line in the book.

You realize that.

You know what, it's okay, though.

It's all right. I know

why you're saying it.

It's because you don't want to

tell me that I'm the problem.


Goodbye, Albert.

Goodbye? Wait. Louise. Louise!

I love you.

I'm sorry.


Yeah! Oh, come on, come on!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!


You like me fucking you, don't you?

I do. It's really terrific.

Yeah! Oh! Ah! Yeah!




Hi, Edward.

Hi, Millie.

You waiting for Ruth?

Yeah, I got off work early, so I

thought I'd take her out for a picnic.


It sounds like she's just

about done up there.

Shoot that dirty

cowboy cum all over my face!

Do I look okay?

Yeah, you look good.

- You look good.

- Oh, good.

Say, Edward, do you mind

if I ask you something?

Uh, yeah, sure.

You're okay with your girlfriend

screwing 15 different guys every day

and getting paid to do it?

Well, my job sucks, too.

I know. But, I mean,

you repair shoes.

Rate this script:(4.00 / 2 votes)

Seth Macfarlane

creator of family guy, american dad and the cleveland show. more…

All Seth Macfarlane scripts | Seth Macfarlane Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"A Million Ways to Die in the West" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 16 Jul 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_million_ways_to_die_in_the_west_1975>.

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