A Merry Friggin' Christmas Page #4

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Come on, pound these back.

Go, Rancer!

Go, go, go, Rancer!

Get it. Go-o-o, Rancer.

Go, go, go, Rancer.

Time!

That's what I'm talking about!

Come on!

Wow, that is really, really neat.

How many hot dogs can

you eat, Dougie doodle?

- We're not allowed to eat hot dogs.

- We're a macrobiotic household.

For crying out loud,

Boyd, what's this crap?

You're gonna turn your kids

into a couple of beatniks.

- Our kids are fine!

- I know they're fine. I'm just saying,

you don't want your boy to

turn into a Sally, do ya?

- Don't tell me how to raise my kids.

- Don't tell me what to do in my house!

Is your name on the mailbox?!

I didn't think so!

Oh really, the mailbox

line again, Dad?

Great, you sparked Nelson's PTSD.

Post-traumatic stress disorder.

When things get tense,

Nelly gets a little squirrely.

He has to go into

a dark, quiet space.

It's from the war.

What war, Mom?

He fell out of the back of a Humvee

during basic training and was discharged.

A head injury!

He got a head injury

serving his country!

Okay.

What...

Why are there shotgun

pellets in my chicken?

Dad.

Because it's squirrel.

Honey, no, we're not leaving.

He fed me a rodent

for Christmas dinner.

Well, you're the only one who

ate squirrel. Ours was really chicken.

You did say that you could handle

anything as long as the kids

were having a good Christmas, and the

kids are having a great Christmas.

Think you can just flex

those emotional muscles,

just a little bit,

and think of Douglas?

I want some more dessert!

And that's how you make

50 dollars an hour.

- Puba?

- Yeah, Dougie?

I want us to leave Santa a snack,

but Rance ate all the cookies

in like, 10 seconds,

and then he drank a

whole gallon of milk.

Whoa.

So, I was wondering if you had anything

else that I could give to Santa?

Of course I do, Bug.

I know something that Santa loves

a lot more than milk and cookies.

Dear Santa, Puba said you would

enjoy this bourbon and asparagus.

I hope you like it a lot. Love,

your very good friend, Douglas Mitchler.

Shake that ass, b*tch,

and let me see what you got.

Shake that ass, b*tch,

and let me see what you got.

Shake that ass, b*tch,

and let me see what you got.

Whoa, that's pretty neat, Pam.

I know, I've got over 75 hits so far.

Your average is zero stars

'cause you suck, turdbait.

Shut up, jackwipe!

Hey, that's not very Christmassy

behaviour. Gather up.

So, we have a tradition in our family

where we read The Night

Before Christmas

the night before Christmas. Get it?

This is mentally challenged.

Do you think this is a joke, Rance?

This isn't a joke. This is Christmas.

We're not two, Uncle Boyd! I mean,

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