A Kid Called Mayonnaise Page #2

so they left it

at our house.

My mom opened up this box,

and there was a baby inside.

Me.

What? No.

She named me Mayo,

which is short for mayonnaise,

'cause the box she found me in

was a mayonnaise box.

Mm-hm.

You're a liar.

I never lie.

[phone quacking]

It's mom.

You want to ask her

if it's true?

You were found in a box?

No. Come on, seriously.

Last chance.

[phone quacking]

Okay.

Hey, Mom.

Yeah, I'm fine.

No, no birthday girl yet.

How's it goin'

with the ostrich?

I think it wants to eat me.

Keep away from me,

you monster.

Whatever you do,

don't name it.

I'm not gonna name it.

Come on, birthday girl.

Where are you?

These songs stink.

How do you know

when you've found it,

la cancin suprema?

It's weird,

but your stomach

starts to hurt.

Then...

you get goosebumps.

[chuckles]

Then a feeling of hope,

despite life's funny way

of crushing your soul.

That's her!

Turn around,

turn around!

Okay. We'll catch 'em

on Alameda.

Okay, come on.

Why doesn't she

like me?

She's just being

Calamine Jones.

That's her!

Over here.

Mayo:
I'll tell ya, house.

Could have been perfect.

Then I got ambushed

by a rubber ducky.

Whoa.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Where is she?

She's over--

No, she--

[sighs]

Dude, you had her.

I know.

I've just never seen a rubber ducky

like that before, okay?

It's just so snazzy.

What, so you're into

rubber duckies or something?

[scoffs] No.

Definitely not.

I mean, maybe

when I was a kid, but--

I have a huge collection

of rubber duckies

that I keep in

a display case.

I like to

give them names and...

sometimes I take baths

with them.

I know. Okay?

Let's just go home.

No. No, no, no.

Come on.

She's out there

somewhere.

Nobody said making friends

was easy.

How would you know?

I mean, you're just so

not me.

When I was a kid,

I moved four times

in five years.

I think I know what

lonely is like.

Sometimes I call my old house

and talk to it.

For three years...

my best friend was

a stuffed turtle

named Brainino.

[chuckling]

That's pretty weird.

Oh, yeah? Well, at least

I don't take baths with rubber duckies.

Weirdo.

[laughing]

Pull over.

There!

The birthday girl.

I'm a little scared.

That's okay.

Sometimes, when my brain

is telling me to flee,

I do this thing

where I trick it

by fleeing,

but fleeing in the direction of the thing

that I'm scared of.

- Got it?

- No.

Flee!

Flee!

- Flee!

- Okay, oh-- Good luck!

Don't talk about rubber duckies!

[chuckles]

Or taking baths with them.

Hey, how's it goin'?

- [clapping]

- Well done, very nice.

Strong effort.

Oh, hi. I'm Mayo.

Mayo Davis.

How's it goin'?

I like your dresses.

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