A Haunted House Page #2

Come on.

All right.

Okay, fine.

Okay. I'm ready.

All right. Go ahead.

Spare change?

You stupid!

I love you.

Good night.

God!

How could someone

so cute be so stink?

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Oh, really?

Oh, God!

What crawled up

your ass and died?

Sh*t!

Really?

You ain't

allowed to move in here

and do this sh*t.

Mm-mmm.

Mm-mmm.

Ugh!

Aah!

It's alive! What?

Oh! Oh! Oh, f***!

Oh!

I heard that.

So, we didn't

have sex last night.

Kisha didn't cook,

and she killed my dog.

But other than that,

I guess this moving-in thing

is gonna be pretty cool.

Malcolm! Malcolm!

What's up?

My keys are on the floor.

Okay.

Malcolm.

What?

Something weird

is going on here.

If you mean

something weird

like you farting

in your sleep,

yes, there is.

No, no.

I think we have a ghost.

A ghost?

Yeah, okay.

No, you have a ghost

in your ass.

I wanna bring a psychic

to tell us what's going on.

A psychic?

Ah, come on, Kish.

That's ridiculous.

Look, I'll tell you

what's going on, okay?

Some neighborhood kid

came in here,

stole something

out of your purse,

and then he left...

No. See, if anyone

is stealing anything,

it is you-know-who, okay?

Hey, girl!

Okay, we have no idea

what she's doing

when we're not here.

Why is she

always wearing gloves?

Okay, fine.

I'll take care of it.

Guilty.

Hey, I'm Dan

the Security Man.

Hey, how you doin'?

Nice to meet you.

Hey, I'm sorry, buddy.

I didn't see you back there.

That's my associate, Bob.

Actually, he's my brother.

He's a simple...

He used to

play in the dryer.

We turned it on once.

Whoa, whoa!

Hey, yo,

you better back up!

What's the problem?

We're here to

install cameras.

Yeah.

Not to be filmed

on camera.

'Cause I'm doing

my own reality show.

Well, I'm not

signing anything.

And I can't write.

He can't write.

Blur this out.

Mosaic.

Okay.

What is he doing?

Is the owner home?

You're talking to him.

Yeah, right!

Wow.

Oh. Wow. Okay.

All right. Now, that camera

covers your entire backyard.

It's cool.

Let's say you and the missus

are having

a pool party, right?

You know, you're grilling up

some fried chicken,

probably some ribs.

Hot wings,

some pig knuckle,

strimps.

You know,

maybe some corn bread.

I'd say watermelon,

but that might

be racist, right?

Corn bread was

pretty close.

Not really.

Country folks

eat corn bread.

Can I say it?

You talking

about the "N" word?

Yeah.

No. It's not appropriate.

I see.

Are you...

Is he serious?

You can call me

a cracker.

I don't want to.

I just want...

Let me say it.

If you say it, I'm going to

punch you in your face.

Anyway...

Wow.

Maybe later things

get a little freaky.

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