A Good Man Is Hard to Find Page #2

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to our lesbian friends

so they can have a baby!

Damn it, Kent!

I can't do everything!

Kevin, we need to talk.

I just wanted to say

some things have changed,

and I think we should try

to be, like, friends,

You know, in case we ever

become related or something.

- So you want to marry me?

- No!

How about you get

the hell out of here

before I bust you up?

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Fight! Kiss!

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Look!

Nitro-burning funny cars!

Hey, guys!

Mo, put on some pants.

Gerald and Helen are here,

and they brought booze!

Mo, Trish,

we have good news.

Helen and I have

discussed it, and, well,

our answer is... Yes!

Yes to what?

To what?

Well, to giving you a baby.

Gerald, no offense,

but we may not want

to have a girl.

No, we're looking for

a man's man. No offense.

Well, I appreciate that

you keep saying "no offense",

but it might be easier if you

just stopped insulting me.

I'm confused.

You said it was awkward to ask.

And gettin' more

awkward by the minute.

Not a man's man?

I get hit on by men

all the time.

They're talking nonsense,

Gerald. They're lesbians.

Their view of masculinity

is skewed.

The important thing is

that Ubuntu can't find out,

or we'll lose him

to Charlie forever.

Find out what?

Nothing.

Mo and Trish don't think

I'm manly enough

to give them a baby.

Isn't that crazy?

- Isn't it?

- I don't know, Gerald.

You do wear women's jeans.

Well, I have a wide pelvis.

Gerald, you carry

pepper spray in your bag.

So no one thinks I'm manly?

Penny?

Well, you always treat me

with respect and equality...

You know, like a sissy.

Hi, mom! Hi, dad!

Were Mo and Trish super happy

about having your baby?

Well, Ubuntu,

let's just say...

Yes! They were

downright giddy.

So, Ubuntu,

ready to get shaving?

Because your father

is ready to teach you.

- Yes. Let's go!

- He can't shave yet!

He has to wait till the beard

and mustache connect.

Every guy knows that.

Women are like underwear.

You should change them

every three days.

Gerald, this is terrible.

We can't let this happen.

Can you imagine

if that old buzzard

gets his talons

into our Ubuntu?

Sell! Buy! Sell! Buy!

Sell, buy, sell, buy!

Oh, God!

What do we do?

There's only one thing

that's gonna trump Charlie,

and we know what that is.

You have to father

Mo and Trish's baby.

- But they don't want to

have my baby. - Oh, they will.

I feel silly, Helen.

Listen, Gerald, your job

is to stay silent and nod.

And put this

down your pants.

Helen, size doesn't matter.

You explained that to me

on our fourth date.

I know that, and you know that,

but lesbians don't know that.

Now do it! For Ubuntu.

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