A Genius, Two Friends, and an Idiot

Synopsis: Expert conman Joe Thanks teams up with half-breed Bill and naive Lucy to steal $300,000 from the Indian-hating Major Cabot. Their elaborate plan is full of disguises, double-crosses, and chases, but Joe always seems to know what he's doing.
Genre: Comedy, Western
126 min

promised to marry her.

- Her?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Let them hear you!

I want you to get yours

in front of everybody.

You ravished my only little sister!

- The man is a maniac!

- You broke her heart!

- He's not a maniac, he's an ass.

- What's it to you?

That beard!

That beard!

That's the key to it all.

What key?

- The key to the perfect plan.

- This ain't none of your business!

Good idea, Doc.

But this ain't none of your business.

- What are you doing?

- Go home.

- Out! Just go.

- Don't do that!

My balls!

Fascinating hand you got.

I never saw such a deep life line.

That's a scar. I disarmed a man once

by grabbing his knife blade.

Life line interrupted.

It's going from bad to worse.

Death's waiting disguised as an Injun.

Don't join Cabot, you'll die.

You're a maniac too.

My friend has

red whiskers like yours.

Fake, but you can't tell.

Let's send him

to reconnoitre in your uniform.

Don't try to go to the fort yourself.

You'll get killed.


Men! Men!

Soldiers! Men!

- Carry on, I'm being followed.

- Are you a bandit?


You don't look like those ruffians

on the wanted posters.

Do they make you look ugly

to frighten the public?


They're trying to show

the evil that's inside us.


- Kiss me!

- What?

Papa's sending me back to Washington.

I've never kissed an outlaw.

My girlfriends will die of envy.

Kiss me or I'll scream!


A madman and a maniac

were in my room.

They both pulled my beard.

I don't want them to escape.

Take them, men!

- There's a man in her bed!

- A man in her bed?

A man in her bed!

- Where?

- Right here.


Oh, God.

Oh, God. Save me.

Just this once

and I swear I'll never do it again.

He's over there.

Get out of here, you dogs.

Come on!

Leave me alone.

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Ernesto Gastaldi

Ernesto Gastaldi (born 10 September 1934) is an Italian screenwriter. Born in Graglia, province of Biella, Italy, he has written under the pseudonyms Julian Berry, Julyan Perry and Ernst Gasthaus. He has collaborated with Mario Bava, Lucio Fulci, Riccardo Freda, Tonino Valerii, Sergio Martino and Sergio Leone; as such he can be regarded as a chief architect of the giallo and Spaghetti Western films. The 1973 Italian western comedy film My Name Is Nobody (also known as Mio nome è Nessuno and Lonesome Gun), is based on his story and his script. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "A Genius, Two Friends, and an Idiot" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 14 May 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_genius,_two_friends,_and_an_idiot_22483>.

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