A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum Page #2

which is the sky. There are many stars...

"(woman)" ..capable of much pleasure,

among which the brushing of a flower...

Many stars have been named

by the Egyptian astronomers,

but we have developed our modern

system of astronomy from the Greeks.

Who, as you know,

were very poor scholars.

The Earth is a flat platform of ground

that meets...

Take this message of my love

to she who has captured my heart.

That breeder woman,

has she been thrown a mate yet?

Alas, she refuses just any slave.

She demands to choose.

Choose? Shell breed and like it,

like everyone else. Almost everyone.

We caught your runaway slave. Now he

dare challenge our right to execute him.

Im a family slave. Whats the good

of that if youre executed by strangers?

- He is correct. We shall torture him.

- See how they look after their own?

Hold your tongue.

Thank you, Officer.

Now, what can we devise?

Something suitable and lingering.

- May I suggest...?

- You may not.

- Hang him.

- Hanging is too good for him.

- Much too good.

- By the feet?

That doesnt hurt much.

Hanging by the feet while being lashed.

They hate that.

They should hate that. If I suggest

that we try to find some other method,

it is only because I happen to be

completely impervious to physical pain,

and I cant stand the thought

of spoiling your pleasure.

- I thought you were impervious to pain.

- Not my own.

Ah!

- You like him?

- I like him.

Have him. Congratulations,

your life has been spared.

May it be long, healthy and productive.

Productive as a breeder?

Hang me.

This is your house.

Come, come.

Well, visit at any time, dear neighbour.

No obligation to buy,

just come in and browse.

Senex! Come away

from that house of shame.

I was only just standing here

and saying Shame, shame.

For your own good, Hysterium,

look after Hero.

Shh!

- What brings you up here?

- I was trying to get in...

In there? You must never know

what goes on in that house.

- But I do know.

- You do? Isnt it amazing?

- Pseudolus, Im in love!

- Well, thats very...

In love? You? Who is she?

Sometimes you can see her

in that window.

A common courtesan

in the house of Lycus?

- Is that disgraceful?

- It doesnt sound like an achievement.

I dont care.

I will give anything for her. Anything.

- You really love that girl?

- Oh!

I like the way you said that.

Master Hero, you cannot buy her -

at your age youre not allowed to buy her -

but suppose someone with tremendous

cunning could arrange for her to be yours.

Yes.

If that someone could arrange it,

what would you give me?

I will give you everything I own.

But what do you own? 20 minae,

a collection of seashells - and me.

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