A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

seeking money to buy your freedom.

Freedom? Oh, madam,

who would want to be free of you?

Who indeed?

- Hysterium?

- My mistress calls.

Slave-in-chief, drag this man home

and beat him without mercy.

- I shall be brutal.

- Good. Up.

We go to buy a breeder slave. Attend

to him, Hysterium, my slave of slaves.

I live to grovel. I shall lash him to pulp.

I shall wear out eight whips.

Strong men will blanch. My arm will...

"(auctioneer)" Come along. Theyre all

from Gaul and theyre all from Egypt.

You, sir... and you.

Come along now, gents. Theyre all

fresh in today. Dont waste my time.

No? Try Fertilla the Populator.

300 pounds of fertile flesh.

Has produced 18 healthy little slaves,

and is capable of producing 18 more.

You wont regret it.

Oh!

It is time we were gone. Senex?

Hysterium?

Ah, here you are. And there I am. A gift for

my mother on the anniversary of her birth.

104 and not an organ

in working condition.

- Will it please her?

- The craftsmanship is superb.

- And the likeness?

- Frightening.

We go.

Hysterium, here are my husbands final

instructions. Watch over our son Hero.

Keep him cheerful, well fed

and far from the opposite sex.

He must learn sometime.

When that time comes, you shall

teach him - what little you know.

Above all, do not let his eyes stray to that

house next door. I hold you responsible.

- Rather than let you down, I would die.

- That is what I had in mind.

- Furthermore...

- We are on our way.

- We are on our way.

- Come, Senex. Carry my bust with pride.

Yes, dear. A lesson to remember:

never fall in love during a total eclipse.

Thank you, sir.

- Where "is" Hero?

- Hes in his room, studying with his tutor.

The sun and the moon revolve around

the Earth, as do the four planets.

Above all there is a great blue bowl,

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