A Fantastic Fear of Everything Page #2
and serial killers are very similar.
They're practically brothers.
Hemingway says,
What do you need to become a writer?
"An unhappy childhood." It's
the same thing with serial killers.
Whatever happened to the hedgehog?
- What?
- He had to cross the road...
...and go into the woods,
but he was afraid.
- Harold the Hedgehog?
- Harold the Hedgehog.
Dear little chap.
Whatever happened to that story?
He wrecked my marriage,
prickly c*nt.
No, he did, Clair.
I'm sorry, the stress of it.
Drove Catherine out of my life.
What do you wanna talk about him for?
Darling, I'm just thinking you need
to earn some money, that's all.
This death thing could take a while.
Timmy the Tortoise can't
pay the bills.
I don't want him to. I didn't mean
to become a children's author.
- It was a terrible accident.
- It was your destiny.
Look, why not rattle off
- Timmy goes to the seaside perhaps?
- Oh, God.
Or Harold. How did it start?
"Once upon a time,
there was a hedgehog called Harold
"Who lived in a bush." (GIGGLES)
(MUSIC BOX PLAYS)
(VOICE ECHOING)
The world is dying
for another Little Johnny Rabbit.
So is Timmy,
so is the f***ing hedgehog.
They're lying in the road,
covered in blood. I killed them.
Tell that to the kids.
(THUNDER)
Darling, we're going
to make this work.
Just try not to worry too much,
and take care of yourself.
You know me better
than anyone, Clair.
Yes, I do. You're a workaholic
and you're sensitive.
I don't wanna see you go over
the edge like what's-his-name.
(GASPS)
(JACK) Clair's concerns about me
proved justified.
Three weeks on and Long Ear's head
was playing on my mind.
(CREAKING)
Life was hellish,
but it was just about to get
a hell of a lot worse.
(FOOTSTEPS)
(DOOR HANDLE SQUEKS)
Come on then, you bastards!
Aaaaaargh!
My knife.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Ah!
(SPOOKY WHISPERING)
(LAUGHS)
You mad bastard.
(CREAKING)
(BREATH ES NERVOUSLY)
# As evening shadows chase the sun
# The night is here,
my day is done
# Through dark forests in the night
# A light is shone
# It's you I've found
# I see you
# I see you #
Argh!
(GASPS)
(SOFTLY) Oh, God.
(DISTANT POLICE SIREN)
Oh, I got an hour.
(BUZZ OF HELICOPTER)
The flying eye
Oh, someone's on the loose.
(PHONE RINGS)
It was 5:
00 when the telephone rangthat fateful evening.
- Sh*t, I could...
- (DOOR BUZZER)
(CHILDREN)
# We wish you a merry Christmas
(OUT OF TUNE)
# We wish you a merry Christmas
- # We wish you a merry Christmas
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"A Fantastic Fear of Everything" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Mar. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/a_fantastic_fear_of_everything_8001>.
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