A Date with Miss Fortune Page #2

they just fade away until

you can't remember

what the problem was.

That's why I started

recording negative moments

of all my relationships

so I wouldn't forget.

You do not!

You do.

I don't, no I don't.

Ah, okay.

Oh, come on gimmie a smile, Megs.

Here's a clip of Meagan

rolling her eyes at me.

That's like her signature move.

As if I just said the

world's stupidest thing.

See.

And ah, here's a clip

of April taking an hour

to put on her make up, that's

me sitting on the couch,

look how pissed I look.

And um, oh.

This is one of Alexis,

now Alexis was a vegan,

which in itself didn't bother me.

However vegetables always made her a little

Oh.

I know it sounds nuts, but I

bet you wish you had some,

you know, video of your ex

pickin' his nose or something.

No.

More like clearing his throat.

Ah ha!

You mean like uhh, like uhh,

Ahem?

No, more like.

No, no with more throat, like.

Oh my god, that's annoying.

Isn't it?!

You are something else, Jack...

Ratner.

Jack Ratner.

Maria Moniz.

That is the real reason

I don't believe in long-term relationships.

No more firsts.

Like they get used up.

I mean that was the first time

we've ever touched hands.

It'll never happen again

that you know, that feeling.

Once all the firsts are gone,

hey what are you left with?

I don't know what you just said.

But I loved the way you said it.

Mmmmm.

What?

You have to stop.

Even being rejected in Portuguese is hot.

Jack, I have to go.

Unlike you I have to be at

work early in the morning.

Jack.

Jack, off.

Not until you're gone.

It might be awkward with you in the room.

You're so crude.

Mmmm,

Stay over tonight.

Please.

Why?

"A" I live closer to your school.

"B" I make killer waffles in the morning.

And "C" I'll pay you a thousand dollars.

"D" all of the above?

Mmmmmmm.

That was the best apple pie I've ever had.

Really?

Cause I wouldn't know.

You kind of ate it all.

I did not!

I even left you the last piece.

This here?

Anyway, everything was planned.

Children, moving to the suburbs.

My dad was devastated when

he found out we broke up.

But the worst part was

that we lived together.

I'll never make that mistake again.

I like my own place to much.

What, you don't want a family?

Children?

Marriage is not for me.

I can't picture myself behind

the white picket fence

playing catch with Jack junior.

So you have no problems

growing old and dying alone?

Having the neighbors notify the police

about the awful stench

of your rotting corpse.

Jesus Christ, when you put it that way.

You shouldn't say that.

Say, what?

Use God's name like that.

Oh, you're one of those.

I noticed the cross.

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