A Damsel in Distress Page #4

Keggs,

I'm expecting madrigal singers.

Show them into the ballroom.

Yes, m'lady.

Oh, dear. Is it Thursday?

I fear so, m'lady.

Well, open the doors and windows

after they've gone. Yes, m'lady.

HE PLAYS A RAGTIME TUNE

# Hey, hey, a mother of three

# Ho, ho, a mother of three

Hey, hey... #

HE FALLS SILEN HE PLAYS A GENTLE, SOMBRE TUNE

Keep in line, please.

Try to keep in line and hand me a

shilling as you pass. Thank you.

Good old Tottney Castle.

Isn't it beautiful?

It's almost pretty enough

to be a filling station.

Filling station?

This castle is over 300 years old.

Oliver Cromwell

went through here in 1628.

Well, that's fast in those days.

I mean he went through the castle.

Couldn't stop the car, huh?

BOTH:
No, he couldn't stop the car!

Admission is one shilling.

Oh, well, we usually get more

than that but we'll go in.

I don't pay the people,

they pay me.

Oh. Well, then, give me my money

back. You didn't give me any money.

Well, that's not my fault.

Here's your money. Thank you.

How much did he give you?

Two shillings.

And how much is the admission?

One shilling.

Well, then, give me my change.

Oh, I beg your pardon, madam, I was

a little confused for a moment.

Thank YOU! Don't mention it.

Hey! Not so fast, sir.

Oh, hello there, how are you?

I'm sorry about your hat, old man.

This castle is not open to you.

I thought it was open to

anyone who paid a shilling.

To you, not on payment of 1 million.

Thomas, Henry.

Eject him! ..Come, Albert.

Outside the rope.

Oh, George, imagine meeting a

deep-sea diver here. of all places!

Deep-sea diver? Yes. That's armour.

Mr Armour must be somewhere in his

underwear, he's not in his suit.

Probably slipped out for a smoke.

Oh. Oh.

We are now in the main hall.

Bang! Bang!

You notice what that sign says?

"Do not finger art..."

Well, I don't blame Art.

If I were Art, I'd object too!

I don't get it.

Next, I would like to point out this

portrait of a very famous countess,

mother of five daughters,

whose husband was...

I know, an accountant.

Oh! Go right ahead. Thank you.

I'm happy to relate

that his lordship

gave more than 5,000

for that portrait. 5,000lb of what?

BOY WHISTLES:

Told you I was your friend,

didn't I? Now I'll prove it.

Good boy. Don't muss my hair!

Got a cigarette?

Sorry, this is the last one.

No.

See them?

They're the madrigal singers.

You can slip in with them

and I'll take you to see Lady Alyce.

Good.

You've got here just in time.

If I've ever seen

an impatient woman, she's one.

Now, this balcony

is an historical spot

known in family tradition

as Leonard's Leap.

In the year 1787, a young Scottish

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