A Cinderella Story: Once Upon a Song Page #3

or you will not be one with everything.

Honey, that's what I got you for.

Now, make me one with everything.

This Showcase is giving me the vapors.

How did this become my life?

Did I ever tell you all about the time

I nearly got my big break?

Yes.

- Good.

Then you all know how it goes.

I ain't gonna leap, I'm gonna jump

Find my way right out of this dump

- I had talent, and they made me...

A laughingstock.

Now look at me.

I got two ungrateful kids...

...a dwarfish, hairy, elfin servant...

...and a random

tablecloth-wearing Asian...

- Indian.

- Who makes no sense at all, ever.

Why don't you have another drink, Mom.

Katie, napkin me.

I have got to impress Guy Morgan...

...so I can stop pretending to care

about this insufferable school...

...and we can all move to Hollywood where

no one pretends to care about anything.

Mom, I think that you're forgetting

about the most important thing. Me.

Guy will give me a deal

as soon as he hears me sing.

- I doubt that.

- No, I've been practicing really hard.

My voice teacher says

I've transcended to a whole new level.

Yeah, I doubt it.

When my first single drops,

I'll buy you that mansion...

...in the Hollywood Hills...

...and you can finally afford

to have your legs lengthened.

- Oh, ba...

- Ms. Gail.

- Miss Bev has clarity.

Katie.

- You see...

- Look.

- The lowly peasant tills the soil

for 40 years without any rain.

But the unemployed salesman

who has recently discovered hydroponics...

...all of a sudden gets disgusted by the...

- And see? No sense.

- That didn't make any sense.

- Let me finish. You...

Oh, I doubt it. You have me pray all day.

- I don't feel nothing.

- You don't have a soul.

No, you don't have soul.

- I have a many souls. I'll give you one.

- Where's your third eye? Turn that thing on.

- I have a fourth eye too. You wanna see it?

- What?

- Shh.

I wanna be 6'4". Wow me, Bev.

Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do

Just stop. Stop the wowing, okay?

What's wrong?

- Somehow you've gotten worse.

I don't know how that was possible...

...but there isn't enough Auto-Tune

that's gonna fix you.

- Well, Katie's bad playing threw me off.

- I don't think it was that.

Again.

Really? Okay.

Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do

Ouch.

I could belch the song better.

Have you been drinking

the floor wax again?

Anything to forget I live here.

Ugh. My head is buzzing

like a skeeter on a septic tank.

- Ravi, meditate me.

Good luck, buddy.

Well, it doesn't matter,

because I have my own plan.

Does it make me a bad person

that I kind of enjoyed that?

No.

Hmm. Nice work.

- Guess who's on his way over.

- Not now, Victor, I'm busy.

Guess or prepare to get creamed.

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