A Chump at Oxford Page #2

I wonder what's the matter with us.

We're just as good as other people

yet we don't seem to advance ourselves.

You know what the trouble is, don't you?

We never had no education,

that's what's the matter.

We're not illiterate enough.

- I guess you're right.

- Sure I'm right.

If we went to school like other people,

we would learn our three Rs,

and today there'd be no job too small for us,

believe me.

What do you mean, three Rs?

Well, reading, writing and...

and... figuring.

- Figuring?

- Sure.

You know - two and two make something

and four and four make something.

It's different to the first...

- You mean 'rithmetic.

- I knew what it meant

but I couldn't say it.

- I think you've got something there.

- Have I?

After we finish work today,

we'll start going to night school.

Good idea.

Too bad we didn't think of that before.

Thanks.

- Don't throw that on the sidewalk.

- Well, we're going to clean it up.

Thank you, officers, for your quick action.

Don't thank us, those are the boys

that made the capture.

Don't thank us, those are the boys

that made the capture.

My boys, you've done a service for me

that I can never forget.

You've saved me

hundreds of thousands of dollars.

- What can I do to repay you?

- I don't know, sir.

- I could give you some work in the bank.

- Oh, we wouldn't be of much help.

You see, we haven't got any education,

have we, Stan?

No, we don't know a thing, do we?

We were just talking

of going to night school.

I see. Diamonds in the rough.

Then all you need is a little polish

with the proper setting.

If it's an education you want, you shall have

the finest that money can buy.

- What do you think?

- What do you think?

- It'll save us the trouble of night school.

- It's a goal.

- Do you see what I see?

- What is it?

I think they're entitled to the royal initiation.

By all means.

Now, listen, you round up the boys

and we'll all have a lot of fun.

I'll start them off in the maze.

- So this is Oxford.

- Yes, I think we're going to like it here.

Pardon me, but haven't you come

to the wrong college?

- This is Oxford, isn't it?

- You're dressed for Eton.

Swell, we haven't eaten since breakfast.

"Haven't eaten since breakfast"!

You made us dress like this.

No wonder everyone's staring.

Well, gentlemen, if I can be of any help,

I'm entirely at your service.

Thank you very much.

Where do we find the head teacher?

Oh, you mean the dean?

I'll escort you there myself.

- Thank you.

- By the way, have you a pass?

- A pass?

- You must have a pass to see the dean.

- Where do we get it?

- From the pass professor.

- Where do we find him?

- You see that entrance in the hedge?

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