A Child's Christmases in Wales Page #2

Anything new, he's suspicious.

Phones, ovens, inside toilet.

Outside toilet, even.

How do you manage?

The neighbours have got a party line.

I go in there and use that sometimes.

There's no privacy with party lines,

though. You overhear all sorts of gossip.

We keep ourselves to ourselves

round here. We're not gossips.

All I know is that Mrs Evans

is having an affair with the man

who came round to do the grouting.

They talk Mondays, Wednesdays and

Fridays and he calls her "Sexy Neck".

Yes, well, you should definitely

make him put a phone in.

You've got to embrace new technology.

Do you know what I got this year?

A toaster that can do four slices at once.

Oh!

But then mum moved out,

and I lost my appetite.

I can eat four.

Ah, here's Gorwel.

Hey, hey!

Uncle Gorwel was dad's younger brother.

He'd had a chequered past.

He was now having a chequered present.

- Oh!

- Here he is!

Compliments of the season.

Uncle Garwel was a bit

like Father Christmas,

- in that we only saw him once a year.

- Huw.

Gorwel.

Who's having a whisky, then?

You are, I should imagine.

But he was unlike Father Christmas

in that he drank whisky for breakfast

and had once been detained overnight

for streaking at the Royal Welsh Show.

I managed to hitch a lift here in the end,

back of someone's van, like.

Who was it?

I'm not sure.

They didn't know I was there.

- How are you keeping, then, Gorwel?

- Oh, not bad! Not bad at all.

No run-ins with the law recently.

No more fights with lollipop ladies.

It's been a fairly quiet year.

So, where you living?

I've got a nice little place

down by the coast.

You bought it?

Well, not bought it bought it,

more like a rental.

What do you mean "like a rental"?

Well, I'm living in someone else's place,

but it differs from a rental,

because the owners don't technically

know that I'm there, like.

You're squatting?

If you want to call it that.

Still...

I expect it's a nice house, though, is it?

It's not a house house exactly.

Flat?

Aquarium.

So, you're squatting in an aquarium?

That's about the size of it.

But it's a good aquarium, mind.

Got a shark.

Anyway, never fear,

Gorwel's ship's about to come in.

I've got a nice little trick up my sleeve.

License to print money.

10-1 on a white Christmas. 10 quid on.

If it snows tomorrow, hello!

I'm up 100 quid.

Have you considered this might be

why you're struggling?

All these harebrained schemes.

You call starting a car showroom

a harebrained scheme, do you, Huw?

I didn't know you did that.

Mm-hm. Me and a couple of boys

getting it started.

Where are the cars going to come from?

That's the only obstacle at the minute,

but we're well on the way

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