6:66 PM Page #3

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me, there's the door.

Well, it's kind of far

back to town and I don't think

you'll give me a ride, so yes,

for the spa weekend, I'll do it.

Yeah. As long

as you don't scare me anymore.

I am so proud

I cast you two.

PETER:
Find an actor? Find

my dick with your lips.

ACTOR:
Mom, can you come get me?

I... hello?

[CROWS CAWING]

Hello. Ah! [CALL DROPS]

[CHAINSAW SOUND EFFECT]

[Screams]

PETER:

Hmm.

[mumbles] Huh.

Dude's a ghost.

DANIEL:
Three bedroom,

two bath in the valley.

SHERYL:
Ah, kudos on the two

full baths in case you have

a guest, you know?

LORRAINE:
Oh ya. Oh, and the guy

from "One Tree Hill" is my neighor

SHERYL:
Ooh.

You live next

to Jean Claude Van Damme?

Did you sleep

with him yet?

PETER:

Sleep with who?

Inappropriate, Pete.

I was just asking. Anyway, no

idea where that actor dude went.

Yeah, I'll deal with

him later. Get the camera on the

closet door, and hurry!

DANIEL:
Huh!

Whoa!

Sorry, I missed it.

Story of my life.

DANIEL:

You rigged the door.

Of course. Do you think

they open on their own?

[ELECTRIC SOUND EFFECTS]

Did you rig that too?

No, I didn't.

Hey, guys. Listen to this.

DEMONIC VOICE:

This is my house.

Holy bats in the belfry.

That really happened.

There's really a ghost.

[POP]

LORRAINE:

Yeah, to being ghost hunters.

SHERYL:

Hmm, to being famous.

You know what? It is time to put

the past behind us. To all the

people that doubted me,

especially producers named Bob.

That indie role I

probably didn't get.

To my ex-girlfriend

Janet who left me in the church,

and now she's a whore.

SHERYL:

Oh, no I'm sure she's not.

No. She's a legit whore.

Yeah. She barters

her vagina for cocaine.

Oh.

Okay.

PETER:
Uh, not really good at

this stuff, but, um, my dad got

cancer last year and beat it.

That's great.

Then he died in a car accident,

which sucked. It was a stormy

night, the road was

really windy, and the... the

cliff kinda jumped out at him.

Plus he was hammered. But he was

a really good drunk driver

normally. I was supposed to pick

him up but, uh, I got

sidetracked on Tinder talking to

this girl. I sent her a dick

pic, she sent me a dick pic

back, which was really...

anyway. He sent me a text right

before he disintegrated.

He said,

"Son, I want you to know...

my f***ing car's on fire."

I still have the text.

Okay, then. Um,

let's get back to it.

I'd like a camera

over there. You think you can

handle that, Pete?

Yeah.

Okay.

Sure.

SOFT SPOOKY SOUNDS

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

Put a camera in all of

these trees, Pete? All the

trees? Yeah, all

the trees, Pete,

because [BIRDS CAWING] I want

you to do all this extra work.

[BIRDS CONTINUE TO CAW]

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