30 Minutes or Less Page #3

about getting fingered?

- No, it's just that your sister makes some

questionable decisions. You know, like...

like moving to Atlanta.

- What's wrong with that?

She gets to manage a hotel, I get free rooms...

You can go over there and crash,

whenever you're on streets. We all win!

- Yeah, except her!

Once she gets involved with some Atlanta douchebag,

that's totally wrong for her.

You know, some Doctor...

who drives a white BMW and listens to Phish.

F***ing lame.

- Right, whatever.

Why are you telling me who my sister goes out with?

- I don't know.

- You wanna f*** my sister, don't you?

- Chet, I really don't wanna talk about this, okay.

- Ahhh, my twin sister!

Which is basically, like f***ing me???

- Your sister is attractive, and she excites me.

Yes, in a sexual way.

Can we please be adults about this?

- You...an adult?

You had a luchables for dinner last night.

You're a f***ing man-child!

Hey, let's not say sh*t we can't take back..Okay?

How about this?

You wanna know who I saw naked?

Who?

Jenny Rifkin.

I was nailing her.

The week after she dumped you.

Intercourse style!

That's right.

My brown hands, all over her nice white tit ass.

Wow.... You pulled a Judas on Jenny f***ing Rifkin.

That is messed up Chet.

Almost...

as messed up as how I sold your

Willie May signed ball for 200 bucks.

Hey, My grandpa left me that ball in his will!

You helped me look for it for a month!

Now you know why we never found it.

Are we done here?

Not quite yet.

I was the one who told John Tanner

about how your mom f***ed that

lifeguard. And I always felt awful about it,

because even though he swore secrecy,

he wound up telling everyone else in town.

And then your parents got divorced.

But now...I don't give a sh*t.

Well then!?

You ruined...my whole f***ing life!

Not much of a life to ruin but yeah,

I guess i did.

Okay, Chet.

You're right.

I do wanna have sex with your sister.

Again.

Because the first time was so awesome.

Bullshit, that never happened.

Graduation night.

- Noo, you f***ed Tina Scado.

- No, I just told you I did. Same story,

different girl.

- What!

You deflowered my sister,

and i know all the f***ing details!

Get the f*** off me!

You're twins, did you feel it when I was f***ing her?

Motherf***er!

You're a huge loser.

You're not good enought for my sister. Okay?

You're a pizza boy!

You know, I actually feel sorry for you.

You're a f***ing dick.

Cos you'll never understand this sh*t.

Its way more complicated than your...

Online dating.

You're a sh*t friend.

All those years asking me for stuffs,

favours...you know what, that B gowns is the last favour.

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