21 & Over Page #2

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to get you this interview.

Be rested, be sharp,

do not embarrass me.

I won't.

Dick wads.

Look, it was so nice

of you guys to surprise me,

but, listen, I can't

go out tonight, OK?

This is like my whole life

in one interview.

- Dude, I totally get it.

- That's funny 'cause I don't.

- I don't totally get it.

- Could we go out tomorrow night?

No, we cannot go out tomorrow night,

because I've got tickets to Soundgarden.

You're a straight-A student,

dude. You can go out one night.

He can't go out, dude.

Casey, first of all,

you need to shut the f*** up.

- And JeffChang, you need to sit down.

- No.

Come on, just take a seat,

please, on your nice futon.

Because you have the wrong

attitude right now, my friend.

Look, JeffChang,

this isn't just any birthday.

OK? This is your 21st birthday.

- Here we go.

- This is the day that you become a man.

This is the day that you get to tell

every bouncer who's ever carded you,

"You know what? Sure, I get it.

Yes, I look like

a nine-year-old Chinese girl."

- What the f***?

- "But guess what?

Today is my 21st

f***ing birthday."

So, step aside

and let the man come through.

Miller, I totally get it,

but I can't go out tonight.

It's actually not your fault.

It's your people's fault.

Your people haven't been in this

country for a very "rong" time.

- What? He's more American than you.

- My family built the railroads.

Yeah, but, well, you know what

I mean. Like, your people.

- What? What?

- China. I don't know. Are you Chinese?

- Listen, the point is...

- I understand what you're saying,

- but I can't...

In America,

in the United States of America,

bald eagles and Budweiser,

you go out and drink because

it's a sacred rite of passage.

- It's just like in Africa when...

- Oh, my God.

If we were in Africa... You are

so lucky we're not in Africa.

If we were in Africa, you would

have to leave the village

- and not come back till you killed a bear.

- None of that is true.

- There's no bears in Africa? Really?

- No.

- You have to read a book.

You're 21 years old.

This, as they say in Casey's

home country, is a bar mitzvah.

- It's the American bar mitzvah.

- I was born in America.

It's like... OK, it's like when an

Eskimo kills his first penguin, right?

- Nope, they definitely don't do that.

- Yes, they f***ing do, Casey.

- I hate you.

- In this country, JeffChang,

your best friends take you out

and they f*** you with alcohol.

- I'm gonna f*** you with alcohol.

- Oh, my God.

- Now who's with me?

- Nope.

- Come on, f***ers!

- Uh-uh.

- Mm-mm.

Whatever. I'm f***ing taking you out

whether you want to or not! I don't care

if you're scared of your f***ing dad.

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