Zombieland script
Zombieland (2013)
Synopsis: Zombieland is a 2009 American zombie comedy film directed by Ruben Fleischer from a screenplay written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick. The film stars Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin as survivors of a zombie apocalypse. The film follows geeky college kid, Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) making his way through a variety of different scenarios through this new zombie apocalypse. Columbus meets survivors Tallahassee, Wichita and Little Rock. Together, they take an extended road trip across the Southwestern United States in an attempt to find a sanctuary free from zombies.

AINSLEY (O.S.) *

First thing. Wake up. Keurig’s *

broken. *

FADE UP ON:
*

EXT./INT. OFFICE - DAY *

Cubicles divide a sedate office. We’re on the FIRST FLOOR, *

looking through a huge PLATE GLASS WINDOW onto a PARKING LOT *

outside. Two pasty OFFICE WORKERS, AINSLEY and FRED, sit in *

FRONT of the window, BACKS to it, in the midst of a full-on *

white-collar American moan-and-groan. *

AINSLEY *

No coffee. Yeah. So I drive to *

Starbuck’s. ‘Cause I can’t *

function. I get out of the car. *

Phone flies off my lap onto the *

asphalt. Screen cracks. *

FRED *

Oh, man. *

AINSLEY *

I’m staring at the crack. Pissed *

as shit. ‘Cause I just got the new *

5S. And a new plan. *

FRED *

Take it back, tell them it came *

that way. They might replace it. *

If you find the right Genius. *

In the parking lot BEHIND Ainsley and Fred, a woman silently *

SPRINTS in HIGH HEELS toward her CAR, chased by a hungry *

ZOMBIE. Thus begins a marvelously intricate, chaotic, *

gruesome ACTION SCENE kicking off the zombie apocalypse. *

WE HAVE A FRONT ROW SEAT TO THE MADNESS OUTSIDE, BUT AINSLEY *

AND FRED HAVE THEIR BACKS TO IT, OBLIVIOUS AS THEY BITCH. *

AINSLEY *

And of course what do I notice -*

this isn’t even part of the story -*

one of my apps is missing. The *

icon. From the home screen. *

Somehow I deleted it. *

FRED *

Butt-deleted. *

2.

The woman outside squirms into her car and slams the door. *

The zombie dives through the glass of the DRIVER’S WINDOW. *

Its legs dangle out the window. *

AINSLEY *

Butt-deleted. Yeah. Only I can’t *

remember which one’s gone, ‘cause *

it’s gone. And I won’t figure it *

out-*

FRED *

(nods) *

-’til you need to use it. I hate *

that. *

The woman PEELS OUT of her space. A truck speeds past, a *

BUSINESSMAN ZOMBIE hanging off its back bumper. The truck *

SMACKS the LEGS of the first ZOMBIE, RIPPING it IN HALF. *

The truck goes over a SPEED BUMP. The businessman zombie *

lets go, FACE-PLANTS, SKIDS across asphalt, notices the *

disembodied legs of the first zombie, and starts to EAT them. *

AINSLEY *

Fucking. Hate! So it gets better. *

I order at Starbuck’s. And they *

ask my name. No one ever hears my *

name right. Ainsley. No one ever *

gets that. So I say Jill. And he *

writes Jill on the cup. Only now *

my coffee’s ready. They call out *

Jill. I’ve forgotten I’m Jill! *

Which wouldn’t be a problem... *

FRED *

Lemme guess... *

A LANDSCAPER runs into frame with a JANITOR ZOMBIE on his *

heels. The landscaper is trying desperately to start a gas-*

powered double-bladed HEDGE TRIMMER. *

AINSLEY *

(nods) *

Another fucking Jill. She walks *

off with my soy chai latte. And I *

end up with her whole milk whatever-*

the-fuck. But of course I don’t *

realize it ‘til I’m back in the *

car, and I’m two thirds through the *

venti, thinking this tastes a *

little different. *

FRED *

Wait, aren’t you-? *

3.

The LANDSCAPER starts the HEDGE TRIMMER, turns, SWINGS, and *

HALF-DECAPITATES the JANITOR ZOMBIE. *

AINSLEY *

(nods) *

Lactose intolerant. And now I’ve *

finished a venti of cow’s milk. So *

I gotta pull into Walgreen’s for *

some Lactaid so I don’t get *

diarrhea. ‘Cause that’s what dairy *

gives me. Diarrhea. *

FRED *

Oh my freaking God. So-?! *

The businessman zombie abandons its meal and runs after the *

landscaper, who fails to extricate his hedge trimmer from the *

janitor zombie’s neck. The businessman zombie TACKLES the *

landscaper, who is IMPALED on the hedge trimmer. *

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Rhett Reese

Rhett Reese is an American film producer, television producer and screenwriter. As a screenwriter, his credits include Clifford's Really Big Movie, Cruel Intentions 3 and Dinosaur. He has collaborated with Paul Wernick, writing the films Zombieland, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, and Deadpool.Together they also created the reality series The Joe Schmo Show. more…

All Rhett Reese scripts | Rhett Reese Books

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"Zombieland" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 20 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/zombieland_34>.

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