The Constant Gardener

Oh, thank you, Arnold. I- I can manage that.

But I still don't see why you couldn't wait a couple of weeks.

Why go all the way up to Loki?

Well, we want to hear Grace Makanga speak, and she won't be coming to Nairobi.

I see.

Oh, sweetheart, don't bother to see us off. It could be ages.

Okay, well

It's too hot to be standing around. If you're sure.

Bye. Bye, Arnold.

Let me take your bag for you. Thank you.

Bye, sweetheart.

See you in, uh- in a couple of days.

Sandy, he's here.

Hi. Come in. Oh, hi, Sandy. You caught me skiving, I'm afraid.

How's Gloria? Well? Gloria's fine.

You haven't heard from Tessa, I suppose?

No, she's, uh, up north with, um, Arnold Bluhm.

Look, old chap, do you think you could stop doing that a moment?

Something wrong?

She didn't say anything about returning by road?

From Loki?

Well, that wouldn't surprise me, knowing Tessa. I mean, I hope not. Dangerous country.

What is it, Sandy?

We're getting reports of a white woman, black driver,

found early this morning, southern end of Lake Turkana,

dead-killed, it seems.

You think it might be Tessa?

Seems they hired a car and driver in Loki and then headed east.

They spent the night at Lodwar.

They shared a room, Justin.

The dead black isn't Arnold Bluhm.

Most terribly sorry.

And how sure are you?

It's not looking good.

It's...

good of you to tell me, Sandy.

Can't have been easy.

Diplomacy, therefore, as we've demonstrated,

is the very map and marker of civilization,

pointing nations the safest way through country...

fraught with peril.

And that's it.

Uh, Sir Bernard Pellegrin has asked me to convey his, uh, regrets...

that he's been unable to deliver his lecture in person.

And I thank you on my own behalf for your very kind attention.

Thank you.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Yeah? Yeah, sorry. Excu- Excuse me.

Sir, I've just got one question. I just wondered whose map, um, is Britain using...

when it completely ignores the United Nations and decides to invade Iraq?

Or do you- do you think...

it's more diplomatic to bend to the will of a superpower...

and-and politely take part in Vietnam, the sequel?

Well, uh, I- I can't speak for Sir Bernard-

Oh, I thought that's why you were here.

I mean, diplomats have to go where they're sent.

So do Labradors. Ooh.

- Ouch.

Well, I think that, no, Sir Bernard would no doubt argue...

that when, um, peaceful means are exhausted, then - Exhausted?

Mr. Quayle, they're not exactly exhausted, are they?

I mean, they're just- they're just- No, they are just lying in the way of the tanks.

No, I-I-let's face it. We've taken years...

to build up this international organization called the United Nations,

which is meant to avoid wars,

- and now we just blow it up because our car's running out of petrol. - Sit down, Tessa, for Christ's sake.

- L- I think- - Hold on a minute. Let's see what he says.

I think the questioner is making a valid point, and that a nation's foreign policy...

- should not be determined by narrow commercial interests. - That's bullshit.

That's bullshit. You have to take responsibility.

You are being paid to apologize for this pathetic country of Britain,

and he can explain to us why we've burned our diplomatic credentials...

and why we're killing, you know, thousands of innocent people...

just for-just for some barrels of oil...

and a photo opportunity on the White House lawn.

Why?

Are you all right? Yes, thanks.

You were courageous. No. No, I was completely rude.

- It was just bad behavior, and I- - You were impassioned.

I'm so embarrassed. Sorry.

Please don't be embarrassed. I'm really sorry.

And, uh, thanks very much. You... tried to protect me.

Very feebly. No, you were-you were- You weren't feeble. I just-

Anyway, it was a very dull lecture.

It was a dull lecture, but even so I shouldn't have-

Well, look, can I- can I buy you a coffee or-

I owe you a drink. Come on. All right. You can buy me a drink.

I'm Justin, by the way. Tessa. How do you do?

Pleased to meet you. Yeah, yeah. Pleased to meet you.

- You were quite scary, but I don't blame you.

It was absolute bollocks,

so you're quite right to challenge-

I'm rather nervous, I have to confess.

Me too. This way.

Oh, do come in.

Yeah, please. Of course.

Thank you. You lead the way.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Take a left. All right.

Wriggle.

There we go.

Thank you. What for?

For... this wonderful gift.

How very generous of me.

No, I-

You-You're so-

You know what I mean. I know what you mean.

I feel safe with you.

I can imagine when you were six.

You leading the revolution.

No. No, I was very conventional.

Here, Justin, put this on.

Mr. Quayle? Please.

Please.

Know this lady, sir?

Yes, I do. It's, uh-

It's my wife, Tessa.

Sandy.

Come on.

Tessa.

My God, what a surprise.

How'd you get in?

Take me to Africa with you.

What? Roll you up in a rug?

Pack you in a tea chest? Very funny.

I'd have to smuggle you in as illicit goods.

I couldn't declare you.

Oh, listen. I could put you in one of these plant boxes, and-

You'd be very comfortable wrapped up in a little piece of, uh-

I could label you. "Tessa."

I'm serious.

Um, yeah, I can see you are.

And in what-what capacity should I take you to Africa?

I don't mind. You can take me as your mistress, lover, wife.

There's too much choice.

I- Well, I'm-

I'm flattered that you would like - No. No.

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