Smashed

FADE IN:

INT. KARAOKE BAR - NIGHT 1

CLOSE ON:
KATE HANNAH -- late-20s, pretty and wholesome and,

oh yeah, piss drunk. She stands on a tiny

KARAOKE STAGE:

*

in the far corner of a half-empty dive bar.

Kate holds a MICROPHONE and dances as she SINGS a bad karaoke

version of “SONG TO BE DETERMINED.” What Kate lacks in talent

she more than makes up for with charm and enthusiasm.

At a table near the stage is ---

CHARLIE HANNAH:
Kate’s husband, late-20’s, scruffy buthandsome, also pretty damn drunk. He enthusiastically clapsand points to Kate, making up a cheering section along with ---

OWEN HANNAH -- Charlie’s younger brother, early-20’s --

who sings along with ---

the small but energetic CROWD.

Kate begins to ramble between verses -- and gleefully pointsto Charlie and Owen. For the moment, this drunk girl is theQueen of Karaoke.

LATER:

*

*

2.

Kate finishes the song and drunkenly tumbles off the stage to

join Charlie and Owen.

CHARLIE:

That was so good, baby!

KATE:

Bullshit.

CHARLIE:

I’m serious. You sing like an angel

-- a drunk angel.

Owen and Kate LAUGH.

KATE:

If you were writing about my

performance for your blog, what

would you say?

CHARLIE:

I’d say that, uh...my wife is the

sexiest, most amazing woman alive.

KATE:

That would be such a shitty article

-- nobody would read it.

Kate and Charlie laugh and kiss -- and then Kate glances at

Owen and makes a puppy dog face.

KATE (CONT’D)

(to Owen)

Aw...we need to find you a lady,

Owen.

OWEN:

Yeah -- I’ve been trying to flirt

with the bartender, but...I can’t

tell.

Owen motions to the -

-- FEMALE BARTENDER, early 20’s. *

KATE:

She’s hot! What can’t you tell?

OWEN:

She looks like she could kick my

ass. No way would she go for a guy

like me.

3.

KATE:

You’re being a little girl -- just

go talk to her.

OWEN:

(clearly shy)

I don’t know...forget about it.

KATE:

(not going to take “no”

for an answer)

I’ll take point -- follow me.

Kate stumbles to the bar. Charlie and Owen follow. Kate puts

her arms around Owen and gets the attention of the bartender.

KATE (CONT’D)

I want to buy a gimlet for me and a

double-shot of whiskey for my

brother-in-law ‘cause he’s had a

hard week.

FEMALE BARTENDER

‘Kay.

The bartender quickly pours the drinks.

FEMALE BARTENDER (CONT’D)

That’s fifteen.

KATE:

Wait -- don’t you wanna know what

happened to him?

The bartender rolls her eyes and checks around the bar to see

if there are other customers. It’s pretty dead -- so she

listens.

FEMALE BARTENDER

(unenthused)

What happened?

KATE:

He just got back from England --

because he went there for a girl! A

preppy, bitchy girl. Diane

Court...that was her name. He loved

her so much that he went with her

because she had a fellowship or

something. He gave up being a

kickboxer. A kickboxer! *

(sad)

And she dumped him.

4.

The bartender sizes up Owen. The trio waits with anticipation

to hear her response, which is -

FEMALE BARTENDER

(to Owen)

You kickbox?

OWEN:

(caught in the headlights)

Yeah.

And...that’s all Owen’s got.

KATE:

(jumping in)

And he teaches kids at the

kickboxing studio. Oh, they’re so

cute!

The bartender glances back to Owen.

OWEN:

(finally)

A lot of ‘em don’t have parents --

so...it’s kinda more than just a

teacher/student thing.

(beat)

I know it sounds silly, but I feel

responsible for them -- like...

(emotional)

...I could be their parent.

Kate slides down the bar to Charlie.

KATE:

(hushed)

I think I got him laid.

CHARLIE:

Yeah?

KATE:

She seems totally game.

CHARLIE:

Sure she just didn’t want to get

into your pants?

Kate rolls her eyes.

KATE:

I think I’m done for the night.

5.

CHARLIE:

Yeah?

Owen wanders over, dejected.

OWEN:

She’s seen “Say Anything.”

CHARLIE:

Eh, well...what’re you gonna do,

huh?

(beat)

Wanna drive us home?

KATE:

No -- he needs to keep working it!

You guys stay here.

CHARLIE:

I don’t want to watch my brother

not score. I want to go to bed with

you and...

(whispered into Kate’s

ear)

...you know.

KATE:

I’ll be home when you get there. We

can “you know” then.

OWEN:

(to Charlie)

Yeah, man -- you don’t have a job

to wake up for in the morning or

anything.

CHARLIE:

Writing is a job! Not having to

report to an office only makes work

harder.

(to Kate)

Baby, you drank a lot. I think Owen

should take us home -- you’re too

drunk to drive.

KATE:

So’s Owen.

(suddenly focused)

I’m not that drunk. Besides, you

know I focus when I drive -- it

sobers me up.

CHARLIE:

Tell that to the cops.

*

*

6.

Kate kisses Charlie and hugs Owen.

KATE:

(to Charlie)

I love you, baby. I’ll be waiting

for you in a nice warm bed. You

have exactly one mission: get your

brother laid -- and don’t talk to

any other women.

Beat.

CHARLIE:

That sounds like two missions.

KATE:

No, it’s just one.

CHARLIE:

(to Owen)

It kinda sounded like two, right?

OWEN:

(nodding)

It did.

Kate grins and slowly backs away towards the door.

KATE:

(really fast)

GoodbyeIloveyouboth!

2 EXT. KARAOKE BAR - PARKING LOT - NIGHT 2 *

Kate stumbles out of the bar and hears a GROAN. She glances

over and sees:

A drunk woman -- FREDA, 30s -- sitting on the curb. She MOANS

again.

Kate glances around the parking lot. Nobody else but her and

Freda.

KATE:

You okay?

FREDA:

(quick)

Yeah. Are you?

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