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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Robin Williams
Are you safe up there?
Oh, yes, my little seaman head friend!
OK. Good night! Thank you very much!
Thank you for the standing ovations! We had the orgasm up
Let's have a cigarette, let's relax.
We are here in New York, fucking New York!
Obviously this is not gonna be a normal night of theater!
This will be Shakespeare with a strap on!
So that's the way you like it!
Welcome to my beautiful set from the musical "Fantastic
Or maybe the last thing a clitoris sees!
I'm over here!
I'm down here!
This is brought to you by HBO, a subsidiary of Time Warner,
also owned by America On Line..
You've got mail. I hope you don't have stocks!
Don't be afraid!
It was very reassuring the other day...
George W. Bush talked to the stock market and...
Him talking about business ethics
it's like having a leopard giving you a facial.
It doesn't really work !
"A lot of our imports come from other countries".
No shit, Jason?!
Moving right along...
Meanwhile, Michael is protesting...
I don't know, baby...
It was strange enough when Michael was the best man at Lisa's
That for me was like you're pushing the term, my man!
That was a pretty short list. Was Richard Simmons hunting?
- What are you doing? - I'm the best man!
Now Michael is claming racism.
Honey, you gotta pick a race first.
What are you claiming there? Mistreatment of elves?
Girl, you gotta pick a gender, too. What are you going for?
You were Diana Ross. Now you just left it all behind.
Michael, you're not a freak. You're just surgically enhanced...
and you spend more money than the Vatican.
If you go to Neverland, it says:
"You must be this high to ride Michael"
Obviously, the lawyers at HBO are going, "Fuck!"
How fucked up would you have to be
for Al Sharpton to go, 'I'm outta here, man!'
If Al Sharpton bails on your ass,
even rats are going, 'Man, that guy's quick!'
From the Don King School of hair processing...
He's riding for office in Idaho on the
"What a fucking, wild, crazy chance in hell you'll be elected"
Sorry, my lips just went...
Probably dyslexic people went: "Thank you, Habib!"
We were worried about the pledge of the legions.
We're gonna say: "One nation under dog!"
And now people are going: "I've got a cure for this!"
One nation under Canada, above Mexico.
But then you have to the whole...
"Someone bless America!"
On a dollar bill, instead of "In God We Trust",
"In Gates We Trust"!
Mr Gates, when did you realize you're creating monopoly!
Monopoly is just a game, senator.
I'm trying to control the fucking world.
Have you seen Windows Millenium?
Right now it's Information Technology.
Soon it will be Total Information Technology. TIT.
And when you're sucking on the tit, I have you by the
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"Robin Williams: Live on Broadway" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 20 Aug. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/robin_williams:_live_on_broadway_1112>.