Hitch script
Hitch (2005)
Synopsis: While helping his latest client woo the fine lady of his dreams, a professional "date doctor" finds that his game doesn't quite work on the gossip columnist with whom he's smitten.

Basic principles:

No woman wakes up saying:

"God, I hope I don't get

swept off my feet today. "

Now, she might say,

"This is a really bad time for me. "

Or something like, "I just need some space. "

Or my personal favorite:

"I'm really into my career right now. "

You believe that? Neither does she.

You know why?

Because she's lying to you, that's why.

You understand me? Lying.

It's not a bad time for her.

She doesn't need any space.

She may be into her career...

but what she's really saying is,

"Get away from me now. "

Or possibly, "Try harder, stupid. "

Well, which one is it?

60% of all human communication

is nonverbal.

Body language.

30% is your tone.

So that means that

ain't coming out of your mouth.

Toby!

Shit!

Of course she'll lie to you.

She's a nice person,

she doesn't wanna hurt your feelings.

What else is she gonna say?

She doesn't even know you.

Yet.

Luckily, the fact is

that just like the rest of us...

even a beautiful woman doesn't know

what she wants until she sees it.

And that's where I come in.

My job is to open her eyes.

Oh, my God!

Is this what you're looking for?

Basic principles: No matter what,

no matter when, no matter who...

any man has a chance

to sweep any woman off her feet.

Just needs the right broom.

You cannot use what you do not have.

So if you're shy, be shy.

If you're outgoing, be outgoing.

- I'm not outgoing.

- That's okay.

She may not want the whole truth,

but she does want the real you.

She may not want to see it all at once,

but she does want to see it.

So tonight, when you're wondering what

to say, how you look, or if she likes you...

just remember, she is already out with you.

That means she said yes

when she could have said no.

That means she made a plan

when she could have just blown you off.

So that means it is no longer your job

to try to make her like you.

It is your job not to mess it up.

The shoes are hot.

You went to the place I told you?

Yeah, but I don't think they're really me.

"You" is a very fluid concept right now.

You bought the shoes.

You look great in the shoes.

That's the you I'm talking about.

The key tonight is hang back.

Give her plenty of space.

If she lingers at a photograph, move on.

But maintain the visual.

It's supposed to be 64 and clear tonight.

So when you leave the club, walk a little.

Ask her what she thought about the show...

what was her favorite photograph,

why that one.

And when she answers,

don't be looking at her mouth.

Don't be wondering

what she looks like naked.

Listen to what she is saying and respond.

Listen and respond.

That way, when it's your turn to talk...

you'll have something better to say than,

"I like your mouth. "

What was your favorite one?

The elephant, definitely.

And all of a sudden,

we're on date number two.

Ready.

No way.

We're going back in there.

You have to smile.

In case you didn't go to high school,

hitting is a good thing.

So how does it happen, great love?

Are you okay?

- Nobody knows.

- I'm good.

Let me get a Bomb Pop

and a Screwball for the lady.

But what I can tell you,

is that it happens in the blink of an eye.

One moment, you're enjoying your life.

And the next, you're wondering

how you ever lived without them.

Three dates is all I need.

Three dates, and I'll get you here,

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Kevin Bisch

Kevin Bisch is a Smithtown alumni and screenwriter of films such as Hitch starring Will Smith and Kevin James. more…

All Kevin Bisch scripts | Kevin Bisch Books

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