Detectorists script
Detectorists  Season #2 Episode #13 (2014)
Synopsis: Detectorists is a British single camera television sitcom series which was first broadcast on BBC Four on 2 October 2014. It is written and directed by Mackenzie Crook, who also stars in the production alongside Toby Jones. It is set in small fictional town of Danebury in northern Essex. The plot revolves around the lives, loves and detecting ambitions of Andy and Lance, members of the Danebury Metal Detecting Club (DMDC). The series won a BAFTA award at the 2015 British Academy Television Awards for Best Situation Comedy.

201 EXT. BISHOP’S FARM ‘HOME FIELD’ - DAEXT. BISHOP’S FARM ‘HOME FIELD’ - DAY

Distant bird song: YELLOWHAMMER.

Andy and Lance are detecting a few metres apart.

Andy gets a signal and digs a plug of soil out of the

ground.

LANCE:

What you got?

Andy pulls something from the hole and scrapes off the dirt.

ANDY:

Matchbox car... Chevrolet Corvette.

He considers this for a minute.

ANDY:

How in god’s name does that get out

into the middle of a field in Essex?

LANCE:

Dunno.

ANDY:

I mean, who’s been playing with cars

out here?

LANCE:

Dunno.

ANDY:

You know? A Roman coin I can

understand, but a Chevy Corvette?

Doesn’t make any sense.

A pause as they continue detecting.

LANCE:

Did you hear about old Bob Cromer?

ANDY:

What about him?

LANCE:

Dead mate.

ANDY:

Shut up!

LANCE:

Struck by lightning.

ANDY:

No!

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 2.

LANCE:

That’s the third in the last year.

Greg Peters, Janet Horwell and now

Bob. You know why don’t you?

ANDY:

Why?

Lance gets an interesting signal and starts to dig.

LANCE:

Because the best finds always show

up just before a thunderstorm.

Suddenly you’ve left it too late and

you’re the highest point on the

landscape. All three were running

when they were struck.

ANDY:

What a way to go.

Lance retrieves something from the hole and wipes the dirt

from it.

ANDY:

What you got?

LANCE:

Pontiac Firebird.

Titles:

DETECTORISTS:

202 EXT. BISHOP’S FARM ‘HOME FIELD’ - DAY

Lance and Andy are eating their sandwiches sitting next to a

hedgerow.

Lance pours out black coffee from a flask and offers it to

Andy.

LANCE:

Cup of ‘Good Morning America’?

ANDY:

No thanks.

Lance sips the coffee.

LANCE:

“That is a damn fine cup of coffee!”

What’s.....?

ANDY:

(interrupting)

Twin Peaks.

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 3.

Lance nods. Pause.

LANCE:

So I was thinking of getting the

band back to together.

ANDY:

What band?

LANCE:

You and me.

ANDY:

Were we in a band?

LANCE:

Yes! We jammed a few times.

ANDY:

I only remember once, round your

flat trying to do ‘Wonderwall’ and

you couldn’t reach the high notes.

LANCE:

It was more than once.

ANDY:

Did we have a name?

LANCE:

‘Fanny Magnet’.

ANDY:

That’s right. ‘Fanny Magnet’

LANCE:

Anyway. I’ve written a song and I

want us to do it at the open-mic

night at The White Horse.

ANDY:

What’s the song called?

LANCE:

‘New Age Girl’.

ANDY:

Is it about Maggie?

LANCE:

No.

ANDY:

Alright. I’m up for it. If it’s any

good.

*

*

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 4.

LANCE:

Ok, come round before we head over

to the club on Tuesday and I’ll play

it to you.

V.O.

Hey there!

They look up as they hear a distant shout from across the

field.

LANCE:

Who’s this?

They squint towards two figures coming across the field.

ANDY:

Looks like Simon and Garfunkel.

The two approaching figures, one tall and blonde, the other

small and dark, do indeed resemble the folk duo, except they

are carrying metal detectors instead of guitars.

We may as well call them PAUL & ART.

Art is carrying a folder under his arm.

The pair storm up and stop in front of them, slightly out of

breath.

ART:

Hello there.

LANCE:

Watcha.

ART:

How are we?

Lance and Andy look at each other, unsure how to answer.

Eventually:

ANDY:

Feeling groovy?

Andy and Lance touch fists.

ART:

Good, good....

Lovely day.

LANCE:

Isn’t it.

Short pause as they look at the lovely day.

Lance points to Art’s detector.

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 4A.

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Mackenzie Crook

Paul James "Mackenzie" Crook (born 29 September 1971) is an English actor, director, comedian and BAFTA-winning writer. He is best known for playing Gareth Keenan in The Office, Ragetti in the Pirates of the Caribbean films, and Orell in the HBO series Game of Thrones, and is the creator and star of BBC Four's Detectorists. more…

All Mackenzie Crook scripts | Mackenzie Crook Books

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"Detectorists" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 25 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/detectorists_1039>.

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