Southern Comfort

---

1

Left, right, left, left, left...

Over here.

Everybody out of the truck.

Over to the ammo dump.

Get the hell going in a hurry.

Casper, come on with me.

Hey, Fred, can you help me

get this stuff unloaded?

Get that damn thing up here.

I read they're looking for

professionals in Africa.

What - whores?

No, mercenaries, sarge.

Mexico and Latin America too.

Mercs are getting 1300 a month

plus transportation.

They want combat soldiers,

Casper, not typists.

I was told to report to you, sergeant.

I'm Hardin.

Rifleman Charles Hardin, corporal.

Where're you from, Charlie?

El Paso.

Is that right? Tell me how

you like being

in the Louisiana National Guard

all of a sudden.

I don't.

But then I didn't much like being

in the Texas Guard either.

Well, not liking the Texas Guard

makes sense.

Not liking the Louisiana Guard

can get you into trouble with me.

You got that?

Got it.

You get your butt on over to

2nd squad - you'll recon with them.

Casper, show him the way.

Introduce him to the boys.

Right.

Cease fire!

We sure get all the good details

around here.

It'll be good exercise for you, Simms.

Put a little muscle in your pants.

It's the last thing I need, coach.

Unless you want to take care of it?

Listen, Stuckey.

Maybe I'll just bend you in half

so you can take care of it yourself.

Easy, big fella!

Listen, Stuckey. I like a joke just like

anybody, but I don't like that one.

- Come on, now.

- Ah! I'm with you coach.

Speaking for myself, I like women.

Yeah, we won't be seeing

many of them.

- Life's full of surprises.

- What does that mean?

I've arranged for a little treat

for the weekend, boys.

Six whores de combat

awaiting our assault.

I'm sure they'll f*** us

in a more interesting way

than the Louisiana National Guard.

[You ain't kidding, right?

- I never joke about women.

Women? What women?

Got some hookers at the end

of the line, coach.

- You mean prostitutes?

- Exactly what I mean.

This is new low, Spencer,

even for you.

I got 'em scheduled to meet us

just outside of Catahoula.

Gotta be there about the time

we emerge from the...

great primordial swamp.

- Got one for me?

- Me?

You mean us, don't you, brother?

What's happening here?

The purpose of the National Guard

is to keep you darker brothers away

from decent Southern women.

- Man!

- However...

in the spirit of the New South,

I have made full arrangements.

What about you, Hardin?

I got a wife. You can count me out

of this one.

I suppose you're used to a more

serious soldiering over in El Paso?

We had things organised over there.

Watch a ball game on TV,

shoot dice and sleep.

Louisiana Guard is a little different.

They have us out doing really

important things like...

beating up on college kids and

tear gassing n*ggers.

Please, Mr Guardsman,

no more canisters.

Don't set the shepherd dogs on me.

See what I mean?

We have a long, noble

military tradition.

- Hey, Casper!

Huh?

Cut it out, Stuckey. Act like a soldier,

you damn dumb son of a b*tch.

In the real world do you do

something useful

or are you like the rest of the men

in the 2nd squad?

I work for Petramco.

Chemical engineer.

College man.

They're kind of rare in Texas,

aren't they?

Oh, we manage to come up with

one every now and then.

You know, one might get

the impression

you don't enjoy an occasional chat

with your fellow guardsmen.

Guess what? You're right.

I can't say as I blame you

here and there.

Reece is under the impression most

of the time that he's in a dime novel

and Stuckey...

He isn't smart enough

to read a dime novel.

- The coach, well...

- Yeah, I think I know the type.

Look, these guys are OK.

They just wanna have a little fun

with you being the new boy an' all.

They're not OK. They're just

Louisiana versions

of the same dumb rednecks

I've been around my whole life.

Hup! Hup, two, three, four!

Come on boys!

When I was training in Fort Polk

once our instructor got bit...

right here, by a coral snake.

Just put his hand on a log and took

his machete out and just...

cut it right off, took it right off.

- Horseshit!

- Bullshit!

I swear it's the truth. Just f*** you!

I don't give a sh*t. Believe it or not.

For those of you who are interested,

we are going on an overnight

recon and patrol.

Hush up and listen up!

We've been designated Bravo, that

is Bravo Team, recon and security.

Rendezvous point Charlie, that is

Charlie, is just outside Catahoula.

We're gonna travel in file formation

with maximum use of cover

and concealment.

We are travelling to make time.

No tents, no sleeping bags.

Ponchos and liners only.

We're gonna have all kinds

of weather out there.

Sun, rain, cold in the morning.

Get used to this idea -

you're going in the water

and that water's going to be cold.

Cribbs!

You with us?

Oh, sure I am, sarge.

I'm really up for this.

Well, that's good cos you're going to

be my pace man.

Reece, you'll be point.

Yo!

We're talking about 38km.

You make sure your canteens are

filled at the water buffalo.

Each and every member

does their job.

I don't want nobody

dogging it out there.

You're all buddies. You're counting

and depending on each other.

Everybody does their job.

Now please, for once in your life,

try to look like soldiers.

Civilian in peace, soldier in war.

I am the Guard.

That's right. Try to remember that.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes