Slap Shot

Pure spring water

brought right to your door.

The taste you remember from childhood.

Call yourlocal lndian Spring man.

He's in the Yellow Pages.

It's only a fewpennies a day.

Enjoy the winter clearance sale at

Howlands. All prices drastically slashed.

50 per cent offon ladies' coats,

with the look ofleather.

Come on and see at 53 Market Street

at the sign ofthe winking owl.

WBROL Charlestown.

Channel 8's 11 o'clock movie,

RichardAnthony in High Risk Devils.

Don't miss it.

And now back to Jim Carr's Sports Talk.

Hi. Jim Carr again.

Denis, I know that some in our audience

don't know the finer points of hockey.

Could you tell them,

for example, what is icing?

Well, icing happen when

the puck come down, bang, you know,

before the other guys,

nobody there, you know.

My arm go comes out,

then the game stop then start up.

I see. What is high-sticking?

High-sticking happen when the guy take

the stick, you know, and he go like that.

You don't do that. Oh, no. Never, never.

- Why not?

- Against the rules.

You stupid when you do that,

some English pig with no brains...

Denis, what is slashing?

Slashing is like that, you know?

Mm-hm. And there's a penalty for that?

- Yeah. And for trip also, you know.

- Oh?

Like that. And for hook like this.

- And for spear, you know, like that.

- Mm-hm.

All bad. You do that,

you go to the box, you know.

Two minutes by yourself,

and you feel shame, you know.

- Mm-hm.

- And then you get free.

The Chiefs are at home against

Hyannisport at the War Memorial at eight.

Good seats are still available.

- A look at sports.

- I think that went very well.

At defence, for the Chiefs,

number five, Billy Charlebois.

At centre tonight for the Chiefs, number

seven, player-coach Reggie Dunlop.

Dunlop, you stink!

At left wing, number ten, Ned Braden.

I hate you, Braden!

Playing right wing,

number 14, Jean-Guy Drouin!

Frog p*ssy!

Gentlemen, ournational anthem.

Hey, Denis.

- How's it going, Nick?

- I'm drunk.

- Nah!

- I'm not bullshittin' ya.

Got stinkin' shitfaced on the bus.

Louise left me,

and that son of a b*tch over there keeps

playin' me when he knows I'm shitfaced.

Jeez, I'm really sorry.

Anybody throws me against the boards,

I'm gonna piss all over myself.

Take it down the other end, Ned!

I thought I'd get Jerry one of those

"Great ldeas of the World" sets.

You can look up the ideas alphabetically,

like arts, mechanics, philosophy.

Yeah. Johnny always says you can

just screw so much and drink so much.

We got Charlestown trailing here three to

nothing, with 10.48 left in the first period.

Whoops! Correction, folks.

That's two to nothing.

We don't wanna make it

any tougher for the Chiefs.

That's what you're paid for, Braden.

Now try winning a game for a change!

Number ten, Ned Braden,

with his 18th goal ofthe year,

assisted by numberseven, Dunlop,

and number 14, Drouin.

Ned Braden is now the leading scorer

in the Federal League. Time ofthe goal...

Tie it up out there, guys!

Come on, defence!

Get the puck outta there!

Hit him, Billy, hit him.

With us in the press box is

injured Chiefs defenceman, Dave Carlson.

Dave, is it tough sitting here

watching your team lose like this?

- Definitely, Jim.

- You injured your knee in a game.

- No.

- No? I thought you had.

No, I have a cold. You know,

the runny nose and the sore throat.

I went out in that storm

there last week to start my car.

I didn't have my jacket on.

I think it's settled in my kidneys.

We got action in the Presidents' goal.

Hit him with your purse, ya p*ssy.

Jesus, look at Brophy. He's plastered.

He told me so. If anybody boards him,

he's gonna piss all over himself.

- Piss all over himself? Good one.

- Faire pipi, eh?

No, no. I OK.

..these games, and I'll check my memory

against the statistics as soon as I can.

Joe McGrath.

Oh, yes, miss.

Get off the ice, Nick.

You're gonna kill yourself.

They're out on the ice right now,

giving their all.

- Get it together!

- They will be ready.

Ensemble number 32,

entitled "Omar Sharif',

modelled by Chiefs defenceman,

Billy Charlebois,

who hails from, if I can read the card here,

Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.

- The padded shoulders give it a '40s look.

- You look nice, son. Real spiffy.

Keep in mind that the perfect accessory

for the man in your life

is a season ticket to the Chiefs' games.

- I look like some cocksuckin' f*ggot.

- Have you seen Reg or Braden?

Joe, I don't care. Enough is enough.

Nowhere in my contract does it say I gotta

make a fool outta myself. Am I right?

- Have you seen Dunlop or Braden?

- I'm gonna flash 'em, Joe.

I'm gonna open this f*ggot robe

and wiggle my dick.

- You will not.

- Yes I am, Joe, and you know why?

I want you to have a heart attack and die

so we never have to do this again.

- F***in' fashion show.

- It's good publicity.

You fellas have not been drawin' 'em in

the way you have in the past.

I'm gonna wiggle it at 'em,

you cheap bastard.

Be prepared, because when I yank it out,

everybody in that audience except

my wife is gonna be runnin' for the exits.

Ensemble number eight,

as we watch Chiefs defenceman,

Johnny Upton, modelling number eight.

- Joe McGrath. Just checking on Dunlop...

We have two generations

of pro hockey with us

for you folks to call in and question.

Player-coach Reg Dunlop,

and right wing Ned Braden.

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