Envy

~ [light, upbeat ukulele]

~ [man singing Envy]

[snoring]

[alarm buzzes]

[alarm beeps]

[continues snoring]

- [Michael] Lula loves her syrup.

- [Debbie] You have enough syrup.

[Tim] Mrs. Butterworths

isn't a squirt bottle.

lt's no big deal. You've had enough.

- Mom, these aren't brown enough.

- Do you want me to burn them?

No, but l just want them more brown.

Mikey, Mom's not a short order cook.

Eat up now.

[Natalie] Double knots?

We never did double knots.

- [Nick] Sweetie, l can't get it.

- Don't use a fork.

No bubbles at the table.

Eat your breakfast first.

She's right, you know,

my eggs taste like bubbles now.

- Hurry up, honey, you'll be late.

- [Tim] All right.

The van needs an inspection sticker.

Good luck.

Alrighty.

What's this?

Look who's hiding.

Mr. Dino...

and another weird stowaway.

Okay, Nathan, no cereal in my thingie.

- Bye, sweetheart.

- Bye, honey.

Nathan!

- What's that?

- What?

That.

Maple syrup.

Mmm, man! Can you believe

that comes from a tree?

Don't taste my pants.

l can't taste your pants?

Ever.

- Ever?

- No.

Well, don't spill maple syrup on them.

Just because it's there

doesn't mean you have to taste it.

- l like maple syrup.

- Not from my pants.

l love it.

How about this:

What if you had, like, an inkpad...

only instead of ink,

it was soaked in maple syrup.

Or peppermint.

Any flavor you wanted.

- And you just open up your little pad.

- Right.

And you press your finger on it

and then you taste your finger.

Peppermint. Any time of day.

Or cherry.

[Tim] Wouldn't the pad get disgusting

after awhile?

[Nick] Disgusting how?

l don't know. You keep touching it

with your filthy fingers.

Couple of days that flavor pad's like

some mattress you find at the dump.

You're right. lt's no good.

[knocking]

[Nick] Tim.

- Did you get your performance chart?

- Yeah.

Well, look at mine. l don't get it.

Good. Fair. Fair. Good.

Then it falls into the red

in the focus department.

Well, you know, Nick, that's because

you're a dreamer. You know?

- l'm not a dreamer.

- You're not the most focused person.

You're a dreamer.

Yeah. l'm a dreamer?

Hey, you want to feel something?

Come here.

Sit in this chair. Come here.

Okay.

Check this out.

Whoa.

- Sit back.

- Oh, this is some chair!

- Do you like it?

- Yeah.

Feel this.

What is that?

- Lumbar support.

- That is good.

- lt's made especially for your spine.

- l like it.

Comes with the office.

And the promotion.

- Right.

- Thinking of buying a swimming pool?

- What, are you kidding?

- l am.

- Thinking bean-shaped.

- [grunts]

Expensive. Bean-shaped?

[whistling]

Take a look at my performance chart.

Look at your focus. lt's way up there.

lt's in the yellow.

l'm telling you, you get your focus

even into the orange, just the orange...

l guarantee you can have

a chair like that.

- Really?

- And an office like this.

And a piano-shaped pool

if that's what you want.

lt's all there for you.

All you got to do is focus.

Just work a little bit harder.

You can get bumped up to sandpaper

with me and the world opens up.

You know what, man?

You could really sack out in this thing.

l'm telling you, your numbers

aren't that bad. lt's just focus.

lf you put together everything else, you

got a really strong thing going on...

[breathing heavily]

Nick. Nick!

[snorting]

- l got to get back to work.

- Yeah.

- Good talk.

- Yeah, good talk.

- Remember what l said.

- Focus.

- Just get into orange.

- That's all l need.

Don't even worry about yellow,

just orange.

[whistle blows]

[Nick] Do you ever just watch your hand?

[Tim] No.

l was just looking at my hand today.

lt was like a separate thing.

lt was...

picking up papers.

lt tapped on my desk.

lt sat in my lap.

- lt's like...

- Sorry.

lt's like a...

lt's like a sidekick.

My little ugly sidekick.

lt was very odd.

Eww.

- [Nick] Oh, oh!

- [Tim] What?

- [Nick] Oh!

- [Tim] What?!

[Nick] How about this?

A spray can, see?

And you spray it on dog poo...

and the poo disappears.

- Disappears?

- Yes!

Where does it go?

Who knows? But the thing is...

you come up with something

that gets rid of dog turds,

you are home free, my friend.

Home free.

[Debbie sighs]

[Debbie sighs]

What?

Nothing.

Liposuction.

You mean, where they suck the fat out?

There's a thing about it in here.

You're fine. You don't need

to get fat sucked out.

- lf we had a little extra money...

- We don't have extra money.

- We have a little.

- Not to get fat sucked out.

[phone rings]

Hello?

- Timmy. Timmy, check this out.

- What?

You know that invention of mine

that makes turds disappear?

[sighing]

l got a name for it.

Vapoorize.

Just like vaporize only you add an ''o''

so you got ''poo'' right in the middle.

Yeah, l get it.

Do you see how perfect it is?

Maybe even underline the poo.

Va-poo-rize.

- All right.

- Vapoorize.

Goodbye.

- Nick?

- Mmm-hmm.

- What did he want?

- Nothing.

Vapoorize.

[announcer] Next up, ladies

and gentlemen, Nathan Vanderpark.

- [woman] Go ahead, Nathan.

- [Nick] All right.

- [cheering, clapping]

- Here we go, Nathan. Here we go.

- [woman] Almost.

- [Nick] All right.

- Nice try.

- [Nick] All right, Nathan, let's...

[Nick] Close one.

Oh! Come... all right.

[Nick] That's enough. Hey!

[Natalie] Almost.

- We'll get them next time, no problem.

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