Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

ALICE:
Wait. No, wait. I can do that better.

I can sing better than Alice Faye.

ALICE:
I swear to Christ I can.

MOTHER:
Allie!

Allie!

Alice Graham, you get in this house...

before I beat the living daylights

out of you. Do you hear me?

You wait and see.

And if anybody doesn't like it,

they can blow it out their ass.

DONALD:
Alice!

DONALD:
For God's sake,

do something about that kid!

Turn that damn thing down!

I'm sorry, Don.

Now keep it off.

You're going to drive us deaf.

Do you want me to have a fight with him?

ALICE:
How are we to have

a meaningful family relationship...

when he's on the verge of killing you

half the time?

And why do we have to have

Mott the Hoople 24 hours a day?

Maybe if I had a Kitty Kallen record.

Kitty....

Am I lucky?

I don't know. I'm an okay sort of person.

How did I get such a smart-ass kid?

You got pregnant.

The mouth. The mouth on him.

Honey, dinner will be ready

in about 30 minutes.

DONALD:
Whatever you say.

You're the cook.

Come on and help me clear up the table.

What are you doing on the floor, kid?

Act like you got good sense.

TOMMY:
Thanks a lot.

Harold wasn't home.

Good. You're just in time

for some peach shortcake.

DONALD:
Let him finish dinner first.

ALICE:
He doesn't want any more.

But he wants that old sugar crap,

don't he?

I hope this is good, now.

Alice, what the hell have you done

to the coffee?

I didn't do anything to the coffee.

Doesn't it taste good?

It tastes like hell.

Mine tastes all right.

Oh, God, it's salty.

-You think that's supposed to be funny?

-What do you mean?

You know what I mean.

What the hell did you do to the sugar?

What?

Don't lie to me, boy.

It's not sugar. It's salt!

ALICE:
Donald!

DONALD:
That's okay, boy.

That's okay. You run.

I'll save it for you. When you get back,

you're going to drink it!

See how you like it.

Alice, if you'd show a little respect

around here, it just may rub off on him.

Socorro sucks!

Watch your head.

GROCER:
You're sure laying the money out

for meat. Company coming?

No, my husband hates me.

I'm trying to get him

to chase me around the bedroom.

Tommy, do you want to give the thanks

this evening?

No, thank you.

Father, make us truly humble

and thankful...

for these and all the other blessings.

We realize that all good things

come from you.

In the name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

Amen.

I made the lamb the way you like it.

-Is it good?

-It's okay.

Irene Payson got back from Denver today.

Said she had a real good time.

She did? Well, what all did she do?

Let's see. She went to visit her family.

Then she went to this mountain resort,

and she did a whole lot of shopping.

Do you like it?

I hate lamb.

Right.

What are you watching?

I don't know.

Is it a movie?

Looks like one to me.

Is it any good?

I don't know. I just turned it on.

BEA:
Don't move.

ALICE:
You make me laugh.

BEA:
Sorry.

Don't make it too tight.

I got to be able to sit.

BEA:
Don't I know? I know.

ALICE:
All right.

I thought he was going to kill Tommy

this morning. I really did.

Yeah, I heard him yelling.

He sure sounded mean.

He's not mean. He's just....

You know, he gets so....

I don't know.

He just gets so loud sometimes.

I sure couldn't live without

some kind of man around the house.

ALICE:
I could.

BEA:
And neither could you.

Yes, I could. Easy.

-No, you couldn't.

-Easy.

Could be just as happy

if I never saw one again, ever.

Of course, it might be different if I ever,

you know....

If I met a man like Robert Redford,

that could be different.

I'll bet it's different.

He wouldn't be the kind of man

that would roll over and go to sleep...

as soon as he's finished.

I think he'd be very gentle.

Listen, I wonder what kind of build

he's got on him.

Did you ever see his feet?

Feet?

I heard one time

that's supposed to be an indication.

Excuse me.

I saw a picture. They're huge!

ALICE:
Bea, wait a minute.

BEA:
They're like this!

ALICE:
Shut up, you nut.

Hello?

Yes.

This is his wife.

What?

No!

ALICE:
My Donald is dead.

God, forgive me.

You know, I still expect him

to come home for dinner.

I know.

KEN:
Wait here, Harold.

ALICE:
Bye, Harold.

HAROLD:
Bye, Allie.

KEN:
I'm sorry.

ALICE:
Thank you.

KEN:
See you later.

You want me to come in with you

for a while?

No, I have to get used to it sometime.

I might as well start now.

ALICE:
Thank you.

BEA:
I'll be over in a while with dinner.

ALICE:
Thanks, Bea.

-How much money is there left?

-Don't ask.

I'm asking.

Before the funeral,

there was a little over $2,000, but....

TOMMY:
What's left?

ALICE:
About $1.59.

TOMMY:
What are you going to do, Mom?

ALICE:
I don't know, pal.

ALICE:
What are you going to do?

We're in this together, you know.

TOMMY:
You've got to be able

to do something.

ALICE:
The only job I ever had was singing.

It ain't Peggy Lee.

-I had a little trouble--

-Seven more dollars.

Thank you very much. Terrific.

TOMMY:
I'm going to turn 12 in Monterey.

ALICE:
That's right.

You'll love it there.

I can't wait till you see it.

TOMMY:
It's got to have Socorro beat.

ALICE:
That it does, by a lot.

Thank you. Wear it in good health.

WOMAN:
Are you asking $12.50

for this shawl?

ALICE:
Yeah, but you see,

it was originally $50.

This is the original price tag.

I don't know.

It is beautiful, but that's too much for me.

It's not too much for a $50 shawl.

Rate this script:3.0 / 2 votes