Adaptation.
1
Do I have an original thought
in my head? My bald head?
Maybe if I were happier,
my hair wouldn't be falling out.
Life is short. I need
to make the most of it.
Today is the first day
of the rest of my life.
I'm a walking clich.
I really need to go to the doctor,
have my leg checked.
There's something wrong.
A bump.
I'm way overdue.
If I stopped putting things off,
I'd be happier.
All I do is sit on my fat ass.
If my ass wasn't fat,
I'd be happier.
I wouldn't have to wear these shirts
with the tails out all the time.
Like that's fooling anyone.
Fat ass. I should start jogging again.
Five miles a day.
Really do it this time.
Maybe rock climbing.
I need to turn my life around.
What do I need to do?
I need to fall in love.
I need to have a girlfriend.
I need to read more,
improve myself.
What if I learned Russian
or something?
Or took up an instrument?
I would be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese.
And plays the oboe.
That would be cool.
I should get my hair cut short.
Stop trying to fool everyone into
thinking I have a full head of hair.
How pathetic is that?
Just be real. Confident.
Isn't that what women
are attracted to?
Men don't have to be attractive.
But that's not true,
especially these days.
Almost as much pressure on men
as there is on women these days.
Why should I be made to feel I have
to apologize for my existence?
Maybe it's my brain chemistry.
Bad chemistry.
All my problems and anxiety can be
reduced to a chemical imbalance
or some kind of
misfiring synapses.
I need to get help for that.
But I'll still be ugly, though.
Shut up! Shut up! Okay?
Let's really try today
Keep between-take time
at an absolute minimum.
These masks are really hot. Okay?
I wanna be very well-heard
on that from everybody.
Don't futz unless it's absolutely
important to the shot, okay?
I don't say that for me.
I say that for the people sitting here
Thank you.
In the rubber.
- I like my dress. Okay?
- Very good.
So now, folks, you better
heed that advice.
Okay? Heed that advice.
Stand by for picture.
Have her rotate around the table
a little bit further.
Hold on until we're clear.
You. You're in the eyeline.
Can you please get off the stage?
Yeah, just bring in the six-footer.
What am I doing here?
Why did I bother to come here today?
Nobody even seems to know
my name.
I've been on this planet for 40 years,
and I don't understand a single thing.
Why am I here?
How did I get here?
My leg hurts.
I wonder if it's cancer.
There's a bump. I'm starting
to sweat. Stop sweating.
I've got to stop sweating.
Can she see it dripping
down my forehead?
She looked at my hairline.
She thinks I'm bald. She...
We think you're great.
Oh, wow.
Thanks.
That's nice to hear.
We all just loved
the Malkovich script.
Thanks. Thanks...
Such a unique voice.
Boy, I'd love to find
a portal into your brain.
Trust me, it's no fun.
Heh, heh.
So tell me your thoughts
on this crazy little project of ours.
First, I think it's a great book.
Laroche is a fun character.
Absolutely.
so fascinating.
Plus, her musings on Florida
and orchid poaching, Indians.
It's just... It's great,
sprawling New Yorker stuff.
I'd want to remain true to that.
I'd wanna let the movie exist,
rather than be artificially
plot-driven.
Great.
what that means.
Oh.
I'm not sure I know
what that means either.
I don't wanna ruin it by making it
a Hollywood thing. You know?
or something, you know?
Or changing the orchids
into poppies
and making it about
drug running.
Definitely.
Why can't there be a movie
simply about flowers?
Susan Orlean and Laroche
could fall in love, and...
Okay. But I'm saying, it's like,
I don't wanna cram in sex
or guns or car chases,
you know,
or characters, you know,
learning profound life lessons.
Or growing,
or coming to like each other,
or overcoming obstacles to succeed
in the end, you know? I mean...
The book isn't like that
and life isn't like that.
You know, it just isn't. And... Ahem.
I feel very strongly about this.
John Laroche is a tall guy,
skinny as a stick,
pale-eyed,
slouch-shouldered,
sharply handsome, despite the fact
he's missing all his front teeth.
I went to Florida two years ago
to write a piece for The New Yorker.
After reading a small article about a
white man and three Seminole men
arrested with rare orchids
they'd stolen from a place
called the Fakahatchee Strand
State Preserve.
As natural selection works solely by
and for the good of each being,
all corporeal and mental endowments will
tend to progress towards perfection.
It's interesting to contemplate
an entangled bank...
Polyrrhiza lindenii.
A ghost.
Cut her down, Russell.
Morning.
Hey.
May I ask you gentlemen what you
have in those pillowcases?
Yes, sir, you absolutely may.
Okay, then, I'm asking.
Well, okay, then.
Let's see.
We've got five kinds
of bromeliad,
one peperomia,
nine orchid varieties.
Uh...
You know,
about 130 plants all told.
Which my colleagues here
removed from the swamp.
You're aware it's illegal to remove
plants or animals from state-owned land?
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"Adaptation." Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/adaptation._2220>.
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