Withnail and I script
Synopsis: Withnail and I is a 1987 British black comedy film written and directed by Bruce Robinson. Based on Robinson's life in London in the late 1960s, the plot follows two unemployed young actors, Withnail and "I" (portrayed by Richard E. Grant and Paul McGann) who live in a squalid flat in Camden Town in 1969 while squandering their finances on alcohol. Needing a holiday, they obtain the key to a country cottage in the Lake District belonging to Withnail's lecherous gay uncle Monty and drive there. The weekend holiday proves less recuperative than they expected.

Withnail:

Imagine the size of his balls. Imagine getting into a fight with the

fucker!

I:

Please! I don't feel good.

Withnail:

That's what you'd say but that wouldn't wash with Geoff. No! He'd like

a bit of pleading. Add spice to it. In fact, he'd probably tell you

what he was going to do before he did it. "I'm going to pull you head

off". "Oh no, please, don't pull my head off". "I'm going to pull your

head off because I don't like your head!"

[he notives I drinking from the bowl.]

Withnail:

Have you got soup? Why didn't I get any soup?

I:

Coffee

Withnail:

Why don't you use a cup like any other human being?

I:

Why don't you wash up occasionally like any other human being?

Withnail:

How dare you!? How dare you!? How dare you call me inhumane!?

I:

I didn't call you inhumane, you merely imagined it. Calm down.

Withnail:

Right you fucker - I'm going to do the washing up!

[He strides towards the kitchen. I jumps over the arm of the settee and

stops him.]

I:

No no you can't. It's impossible I swear it. I've looked into in.

Listen to me listen to me. There are things in there, there's a

tea-bag growing. You haven't slept in sixty hours you're in no state

to tackle it. Wait till the morning we'll go in together.

Withnail:

This is the morning. Stand aside!

I:

You don't understand. I think there may be something alive.

Withnail:

What do you mean? a rat?

I:

It's possible, it's possible.

Withnail [brandishing his comb]:

Then the fucker will rue the day!

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Bruce Robinson

Bruce Robinson (born 2 May 1946) is an English director, screenwriter, novelist and actor. He is arguably most famous for writing and directing the cult classic Withnail and I (1987), a film with comic and tragic elements set in London in the 1960s, which drew on his experiences as "a chronic alcoholic and resting actor, living in squalor" in Camden Town. more…

All Bruce Robinson scripts | Bruce Robinson Books

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"Withnail and I" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 24 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/withnail_and_i_955>.

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