Trainwreck Page #3

DIANNA:

How to get caught?

SCHULTZ:

Makes it more fun. Already startedthe research.

DIANNA:

Bryson?

BRYSON:

I got one. You’re Not Gay, She’sBoring.

DIANNA:

Fantastic. I can see it.

BRYSON:

Thank you. I have another to pitch.

Maybe a cover, I don’t know? YouCall Those Tits?

DIANNA:

That’s good.

BRYSON:

And then, like a where are they nowpiece to the kids Michael Jacksongave settlements to.

DIANNA:

Good. That’s good, yeah.

AMY:

I want to know.

10.

SCHULTZ:

I play ice hockey with one of ‘em.

I’ll get an email.

DIANNA:

Right, assignments. Schultz. You’recovering the Ryan Phillippe piece.

SCHULTZ:

Yes! “Crash” was epic.

AMY:

I was thinking I would take a stabat the Phillippe piece.

DIANNA:

No, Ryan is in a major funk rightnow. He’ll respond much better to amale figure who isn’t attractive ormasculine.

SCHULTZ:

Blam! That’s me right here.

DIANNA:

Bryson, I’ve got a red mark by your

name, why is that?

BRYSON:

I am pitching Dr. Aaron Conners. Heworks with some of the Knicks. He’s

this incredible, young sportsphysician on the rise. He justcreated this revolutionary kneeinsert that cuts recovery time inhalf. He’s about to perform it onAmar’e Stoudemire. It’ll be the

first time it’s ever been done on a

pro athlete. If we get this we’llhave access to the biggest names insports. Lebron, Durant, Blake

Griffin.

DONALD:

I’ve heard of that guy. He fixedD’Brickashaw Ferguson’s knee?

SCHULTZ:

Yeah and Metta World Peace’s. Thabo

Sefolosha owes his entire career to

that guy.

AMY:

(to Nikki) Are these real names?

11.

DIANNA:

What’s that Amy, I want yourthoughts.

AMY:

I’m sorry, I just don’t know why wetreat these athletes like heroes

just cause they can skate fast orkick a ball into a net. I justthink it’s weird. No offense, but I

just think that sports are stupidand anyone who likes them is just alesser person. And has a smallintellect.

DIANNA:

Killer. I want you to write thepiece.

AMY:

What?

BRYSON:

What?

AMY:

Oh no. I literally can’t stomach

sports.

DIANNA:

I know. Your opposition isperfection.

AMY:

I think this feels like a Brysonarticle.

BRYSON:

This feels like a me article. I

pitched it.

DIANNA:

Yeah, you pitched it. I’m giving itto Amy. What’re you saying? Are you

giving me attitude here? This isn’ta f***ing medical journal.

BRYSON:

I can do opposition. I can do sexy.

DIANNA:

I want that. I want that hatred.

I’m giving it to Amy. Don’t sulk at

me.

12.

BRYSON:

I’m not sulking.

DIANNA:

This is my decision. I’m giving itto Amy.

BRYSON:

I can do sexy though.

DIANNA:

Sorry?

BRYSON:

Nothing, I’m fine. I’m having fun.

DIANNA:

Nikki, I want you to research

whether garlic makes semen tasteany different.

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