The Producers Page #3

BIALYSTOCK:

(harassed)

All right. All right.

HE SQUATS DOWN IN FRONT OF HER IN CHAUFFEUR FASHION, HIS

HANDS ON THE WHEEL.

8.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

So, the Count hired you this

morning, Rudolfo ... Watch the road

... Watch the road.

BIALYSTOCK:

I can't take my eyes off you. How

can I drive when you drive me mad.

Mad.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

(she squeals with delight)

Rudolfo, you dirty pig! Pull over.

BIALYSTOCK:

(upright)

Good. That's enough. We'll do the

rest on Thursday.

(he reaches down and

helps her off the couch)

That's a good girl.

(leading her to the door)

It's always such fun to see you.

BIALYSTOCK OPENS THE DOOR AND USHERS HER OUT ONTO THE LANDING.

CUT TO HALLWAY. FAR SHOT. REVEALING BLOOM WAITING OUTSIDE.

WE SEE HIM. THEY DO NOT. BLOOM, VERY EMBARRASSED, HUGS THE

WALL TRYING TO MAKE HIMSELF LESS CONSPICUOUS.

MEDIUM SHOT. BIALYSTOCK AND THE OLD LADY IN FRONT OF

BIALYSTOCK'S DOOR.

BIALYSTOCK:

Until Thursday, then, you bawdy

wench.

HE SLAPS HER ON THE RUMP.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

Oooh. I love it. Hold me, touch me.

CUT TO BLOOM IN SHADOWS, AGHAST.

BACK TO MEDIUM SHOT LITTLE OLD LADY AND BIALYSTOCK.

BIALYSTOCK:

Thursday. I'll see you Thursday.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

And we'll finish playing the

Contessa and Rudolfo.

9.

BIALYSTOCK:

Good. Yes. Thursday.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

And after that we'll play the

Abduction and cruel rape of Lucretia

... And I'll play Lucretia.

CUT TO BLOOM IN SHADOWS. IT IS ALL TOO MUCH FOR HIM. HE

LOOKS THE OTHER WAY. SUDDENLY HIS EYES WIDEN IN SURPRISE,

AS HE DISCOVERS ANOTHER MAN HIDING IN THE NEXT DOORWAY. THE

MAN PUTS A FINGER TO HIS LIPS INDICATING SILENCE. THERE IS

NO PLACE LEFT FOR BLOOM TO LOOK. HE LOOKS TO HEAVEN.

BACK TO LITTLE OLD LADY AND BIALYSTOCK.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

Oh, Thursday. Will Thursday ever

come?

BIALYSTOCK:

(to himself)

Like clockwork.

SHE STARTS TO DESCEND.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

I shall count the minutes.

BIALYSTOCK:

Goodbye, my angel ... My angel!

(calling after her)

Hey, touch me ... wait! Hey, uh ...

Lucretia, Lucretia!

WE HEAR A MOUNTING CLATTER OF FOOTSTEPS AS THE LITTLE OLD

LADY FLIES BACK UP THE STAIRS.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

(eagerly)

Yes???

BIALYSTOCK:

Oh, Angelcake, you forgot to give

me the check. Can't produce a play

without money, ha, ha, ha.

CUT TO BLOOM. ONCE MORE HE STEALS A GLANCE AT THE STRANGER

HIDDEN IN THE SECOND DOORWAY. ONCE AGAIN THE MAN GESTURES

FOR HIM TO BE SILENT.

CUT BACK TO BIALYSTOCK AND THE OLD LADY.

10.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

(opening her handbag

and reaching inside)

Of course, the check, I had it with

me all the time.

SHE TAKES OUT THE CHECK AND HANDS IT TO HIM.

LITTLE OLD LADY:

I don't know what's happening to me.

I must be getting old.

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