The Mindy Project Page #3

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the bed until he was ten!

(Mr. T.)

Huhn!

Mira leaves the stage, grabs a bottle of champagne from a

waiter’s tray, walks out of the tent past the caterers, grabs

a bike, and begins to pedal and drink at the same time. She

bikes off.

EXT. STREET - NIGHT

Mira is biking, wasted, and drinking in a residential area.

MIRA:

I’m Kate Hudson. I’m Kate Hudson.

She runs a red light, and narrowly misses a car.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Racist!

Mira careens into the driveway of a house. She looks at it.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Tudor. Nice.

She speeds through the driveway and does not notice the bike

is riding straight toward a swimming pool.

MIRA (CONT’D)

Oh shi-

She can’t stop and falls into the pool. Underwater, Mira

opens her eyes. She notices a Minnie Mouse toy at the bottom

of the pool. It is frowning at her.

MINNIE MOUSE:

(with contempt)

Loser. Thirty-one year old loser.

MIRA:

(subtitled)

Who the hell do you think you are,

you little b*tch?

MINNIE MOUSE:

At least I have a boyfriend.

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 81/9/12 8.

MIRA (V.O.)

And when Minnie Mouse pointed out

that even she had a long-term

boyfriend, I just started to cry.

Mira is now crying underwater somehow. It’s pitiful.

MIRA (V.O.)

This is not where I thought I’d be.

END COLD OPEN:

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 91/9/12 9.

ACT ONE:

INT. POLICE STATION - CONTINUOUS

Mira continues to be questioned at the police station.

MIRA:

I got fished out by the people who

own the house, who were actually

not that nice. They called you and

here I am.

OFFICER #2

We have you down for two counts of

public intoxication, theft, and

disorderly conduct.

MIRA:

I’m getting the third degree

because of freaking disorderly

conduct? Aren’t there rapists and

murderers out there?

CARIBBEAN OFFICER #1

When you’re disorderly you’re a

rapist of peace and quiet.

MIRA:

Okay, look.

(demure)

Did I mention that I’m a doctor?

An OBGYN? I bring life into this

world.

CARIBBEAN OFFICER #1

So what?

MIRA *

Do you guys need free birth

control?

They consider this. Another officer enters.

OFFICER #3

She’s been bailed out.

OFFICER #2

We’re not even finished questioning

her.

OFFICER #3

She’s being bailed out by the

governor’s daughter.

Mira smiles.

Untitled Mindy Kaling Show Pilot 1/9/12 101/9/12 10.

MIRA:

It’s been great working with you

guys and seeing this process from *

the inside.

INT. POLICE LOBBY - CONTINUOUS

Gwen is there. Gwen is now an impeccably-dressed beauty,

rocking motherhood Gwyneth Paltrow-style. Mira hugs her.

MIRA:

I love you so much.

GWEN:

I don’t love you at all. *

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