The Ladykillers Page #3

There is the distant moan of a riverboat horn.

MRS. MUNSON

...Passed on before you got piles.

Mmmmhmm. Thank the Lord you wasn't

sick. You don't wanna sicken 'n die.

No, you wanna pass nice 'n peaceful...

go to sleep one night, wake up in

the glory land... woof...

A gust of wind hums under the eaves; the candles below the

portrait flicker. As Mrs. Munson looks around the room,

vaguely towards the ceiling, sensing a negative aura, the

cat arches its back and hisses.

At this moment the doorbell rings.

MRS. MUNSON

...Well who's that now, Pickles?

She grunts as she hoists herself out of the chair.

I/E. MUNSON HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT

She opens the door--

A draft--

INT. MUNSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The candles below the portrait of Othar go out, sending up

thin wisps of smoke.

I/E. MUNSON HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT

The cat shrieks and bolts out the door, past the man on the

stoop:
GOLDTHWAIT HIGGINSON DORR, III.

He is a middle-aged Southern gentleman wearing a panama hat

and a cape over a cream-colored suit. He has dark circles

under his eyes. The smile he attempts, mournful yet courtly,

is wiped away by:

MRS. MUNSON

PICKLES!

DORR:

Ma'am?

MRS. MUNSON

Go get 'im!

DORR:

I do beg your pardon?

MRS. MUNSON

Go get Pickles, I didn't let 'im

out!

DORR:

(tasting the name)

Pickles...

EXT. MUNSON HOUSE - NIGHT

Dorr walks down the stoop followed by the old lady.

MRS. MUNSON

Oh, he's up the tree again. Your

gonna have to shimmy on up.

DORR:

I am so terribly sorry, madam. But

won't the feline eventually tire of

his lonely perch and, pining for his

master's affection, return on his

own initiative?

MRS. MUNSON

Huh? No, he won't come down less you

fetch him. He'd set there til Gabriel

blows his horn if someone didn't

shimmy up. Up with you now!

DORR:

Well then couldn't we perhaps offer

him kitty treats and enticements, or

if not foodstuffs perhaps squeaky

little toys of the kind formerly

manufactured in Hong Kong but now

produced in the other so-called

"Little Tigers"...

His fingers form the quotes.

DORR:

...of the Pacific Rim? The point

bein', do we have to actually ascend

the tree--

MRS. MUNSON

Look, I don't want no doubletalk. If

you ain't gonna fetch him down I

guess I gotta call the po-lice...

DORR:

Police...

His face darkens.

MRS. MUNSON

They ain't gonna be happy. Every

time they come fetch him down they

swear they won't do it no more...

Dorr casts his hat aside and starts awkwardly climbing the

tree. He gasps as he climbs:

DORR:

No need to call the authorities. I

did this often as a youth -- why, I

was a positive lemur... Here, kitty...

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