Spaceballs Page #2

DOT Hey wait! You forgot to get married. Will you stop?

They get to the car. VESPA opens the door.

DOT What are you doing?

VESPA (starts to get in the getaway car) No questions, Dot. Get in.

Car starts up, and the ramp starts to tilt upward. Everyone else

comes out of the chapel.

ROLAND What is she doing? Where is she going?

The car takes off toward space.

VALIUM Come baaaaack! (yawns while saying back)

INT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE The Eagle 5 is a Winnebago with wings. BARF is

eating ice cream and dancing to music. BARF is a mog. He's half man,

half dog. LONE STARR is at the wheel, asleep. LONE STARR is drunk.

He is a normal human. "AUTOMATIC PILOT" is flashing. The

phone starts ringing.

LONE STARR (wakes up) Barf. Barf. Barf!

BARF Huh?

LONE STARR(O.S) Barf!

BARF Always when I'm eating.

BARF puts down the ice cream, and picks up some Milkbones.

LONE STARR Barf!

BARF What can I do you for, boss?

LONE STARR Where ya been?

BARF Oh, just grabbin' myself a snack. You want some? (offers a

Milkbone to Lone Starr)

LONE STARR No!

BARF C'mon. A little hair on the dot.

LONE STARR Answer that for me. Will ya?

BARF Ah, sure. (hits Lone Starr with his tail)

LONE STARR Will you watch that thing?

BARF Oh, sorry. I'll just put it on audio. That way they won't see

ya. (hits the video switch) Yello.

VINNIE appears on the screen. VINNIE is a half robot, half man.

VINNIE Hello, Lone Starr.

BARF Sorry, wrong switch.

LONE STARR Hello, Vinnie, what do you want?

VINNIE No, no, no, no, no. It's not what I want. It's what he wants.

BARF & LONE STARR Pizza the Hut.

PIZZA THE HUT is half man, half pizza.

PIZZA Well, if it isn't Lone Starr, and his side kick, Puke.

BARF That's Barf.

PIZZA Barf, Puke, whatever. Where's my money?

LONE STARR Don't worry, Pizza. You'll have it by next week.

PIZZA No, no. I gotta have it by tomorrow.

LONE STARR A hundred thousand spacebucks, by tomorrow?

PIZZA A hundred thousand? Ha, ha, ha. No way. You forgot late

charges, which brings it up to, um, one million spacebucks.

LONE STARR A million? That's unfair.

PIZZA Unfair to pay all, but enough to pay eee, but you gonna pay

it, or else.

BARF Or else what?

PIZZA Tell 'em, Vinnie.

VINNIE Or else Pizza is gonna send out for you.

VINNIE & PIZZA (laughs)

VINNIE takes a lick off of Pizza.

VINNIE Mmmm. You're delicious.

PIZZA Chow, boys.

INT. VESPA'S CAR - SPACE VESPA is listening to music in headphones.

DOT Can we talk? Okay, we all know Prince Valium is pilled, but you

could've married him for your father's sake, and have a headache for

the next 25 years.

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