Petulia Page #4

6 INT. RAMP

Archie and Petulia start up ramp.

It's a long dark run and they are soon winded.

ARCHIE:
(gasping) Charming ...

PETULIA:
(gasping) It shouldn't be charming. You're missing the whole point. It should be menacing.

Another couple, in a proper car, rushes by. There is a blaze of headlights, and a rush of sound.

PETULIA:
...gray... terribly distraught... headlights of passing cars lighting up our room... (Archie tugs at her, and gasps.) ... a police car careening down the highway, sirens going full blast. And I plunge madly into your arms ...

But she is now totally winded and cannot say another word. Archie reacts to a sudden phenomena: a tiny light on the key in his hand starts flicking on and off furiously. Just ahead of him is the door of their motel room. Archie is aghast at the pulsating key.

ARCHIE:
(plaintively) My apartment's only four blocks from here ...

7 INT. DREAM MOTEL ROOM

Stark is hardly the word but it will have to do. A control panel takes care of the drapes, T.V., stereo, announcements from the office, etc., etc., etc. There are mirrors everywhere and the first thing Petulia does is establish contact between the vanity mirror, the mirror on the bathroom door and the medicine cabinet mirror so that she is reflected endlessly.

PETULIA:
You have 624 women in this room and I'm still counting.

Archie moves behind her and begins unbuttoning the top buttons on the back of her dress.

PETULIA:
(harshly) Just wait a minute, okay?

Archie plops on the bed in his coat, a most ironic senile on his face -- he is beginning to suspect he is not going to get laid. Petulia is examining all the Petulia faces in the mirrors.

PETULIA:
My great-grandmother is ninety-one and still has a granite chin.

Archie pushes a gadget beside the bed and it begins to vibrate. Petulia sees endless Archies vibrating on endless beds.

PETULIA:
What a lecherous lot.

ARCHIE:
She's ninety-ones eh?

PETULIA:
But no fun.

ARCHIE:
Not at ninety-one, hell ...

PETULIA:
She stopped having fun at twenty-eight when her husband was killed in the first war, in a trench looking just like Cary Grant with a waxed moustache. She can't remember him but she does remember Cary Grant because he is from Bristol, too, and often in the news. If his picture is in the paper he gets a waxed moustache whether he likes it or not.

She turns to face Archie. She is afraid and she is angry and she doesn't know quite what to do from one moment to the next. But she knows he shouldn't be in an overcoat jiggling on a jiggling bed.

PETULIA:
Stop being so damn casual.

Archie sits up but is still casual.

PETULIA:
We're about to become lovers. Did you bring an instrument, Archie?

ARCHIE:
Eh?

PETULIA:
Ring for room service. Ask the robot for something splendid and musical.

ARCHIE:
Saxophone? Electric Organ? Tuba?

PETULIA:
A tuba. Absolutely! Bless you, Archie! A tuba! Something large and twirly and pom to porn pom! Archie, this is an event. We are about to become lovers.

ARCHIE:
You said that.

PETULIA:
It can't be said often enough.

ARCHIE:
Are we?

PETULIA:
Are we what?

ARCHIE:
About to become lovers?

PETULIA:
No.

ARCHIE:
Ah, you swinging young marrieds.

He leaves.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes