Mystery Men Page #2

RED EYE 1

Golf anyone?

Several more Red Eyes emerge carrying a sawn off bike rack with bikes

still attached, a barber pole, a Virgin Mary lawn statue, and a top of

the line baby stroller... while their leader, BIG RED, stands in the

door to the boxcar, watching approvingly.

RED EYE 2

Not a bad night's work.

BIG RED:

Who said crime don't pay?

The Red Eyes laugh... as Red Eye 3 takes the cover off the baby

stroller and sees... that there's a BABY still in it.

RED EYE 3

Hey, Boss, we got a stowaway.

The crooks gather around the baby, a jolly little kid who just laughs

at them.

RED EYE 4

(about to slug him)

Who you laughin' at, punk?

RED EYE 2

He's just a tyke. Lighten up.

RED EYE 5

He's kinda cute.

RED EYE 3

If you like drool.

RED EYE 2

Hey, why don't we sell him back to his parents?

For a million bucks!

The others think that's a great idea, but Big Red doesn't.

BIG RED:

And what if he rats on us?

The others hadn't thought of that.

RED EYE 3

So what should we do with him?

BIG RED:

Stick a brick in his Pampers and dump him in

the lake.

The others think that's a good idea and look around for a brick.

RED EYE 3

Come on, kid, you're goin' for a swim.

But suddenly there is another presence... A man in a blue turban and

cape with the initials "BR" on his chest has appeared... He is THE BLUE

RAJA.

RAJA:

Not so fast, gentlemen--and I use the term

loosely... Unhand that youngster...

Another man steps into the light. He wears a construction helmet and

mask. There is an "S" on his chest, and he carries an old shovel. He

is THE SHOVELER.

SHOVELER:

Or you're mulch.

He brandishes his shovel for effect. The Red Eyes look at these two,

highly amused.

BIG RED:

What are you guys supposed to be...

superheroes?

A third man steps out. His costume is less dramatic than the others.

He wears only an old leather jacket and a faded, torn shirt with flames

on it, but the fierce look on his face and the atrociousness of his

haircut make it very clear that he is the craziest and most dangerous

of the three. He is MISTER FURIOUS.

FURIOUS:

We ARE superheroes!

BIG RED:

Really? Did you mother make those costumes?

The crooks howl with laughter.

BIG RED:

This is our territory. Beat it.

FURIOUS:

Over YOUR dead body.

Big Red turns to the others and shakes with pretended fear.

BIG RED:

0ooooo, he's scary.

The Red Eyes laugh, but suddenly, a small silver projectile whizzes

through the air and implants itself in Big Red's backside. He howls

with pain, pulls it out and examines it... It's a silver dessert fork.

BIG RED:

A fork!

The Raja holds up his hands, each of which hold a spread of silver

forks.

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