My Best Friend's Wedding Page #3

Holy. F***ing. Sh*t. It hits her like a ton of lead bricks. She

shovels some swampy risotto into her mouth, without looking.

JULIANNE:

You think...

DIGGER:

Desperate. To talk.

She shovels in more drippy black goop. It is really disgusting.

JULIANNE:

He's not proposing marriage,

there's no way I'm buying one

word of th...

DIGGER:

Then why are you compulsively

eating? If you're not hysterical?

More goes in. Her lips and mouth completely black. Like a circus

clown.

JULIANNE:

He can't do that to me!

DIGGER:

We're about to find out.

Ink is now dribbling out of the black hole of her mouth and down

her face. She absently dabs a napkin, keeping some of it from

reaching her sweater.

JULIANNE:

When I turn him down...

She realizes the full weight of the truth.

JULIANNE:

We'll never be the same.

DIGGER:

I have a suggestion...

JULIANNE:

I'll have to kill myself before I

call him.

Staring in each other's eyes.

DIGGER (sadly)

That was it.

INT. JULIANNE'S BATHROOM - LATE NIGHT

Julianne furiously scrubs her blackened tongue with a toothbrush.

Gray foam pours from her mouth, spattering the oversized basketball

jersey she wears as a nightshirt. In the mirror, her troubled eyes

dwell on Michael, flick to the cordless phone standing ominously on

the closed toilet lid.

She spits, sticks her tongue way out. Incredibly black. Great.

Depressed, terrified, and disfigured for life. She snatches up the

hated phone, and wanders aimlessly into...

... her bedroom. West Village view. Defiantly jumbled, aggres-

sively eclectic. Traces of wonderful taste mixed with I-like-it-

you-got-a-problem-with-that? She stumbles around, rehearsing...

JULIANNE:

This is awkward timing, Michael,

I just joined this convent, and

they never give your deposit ba...

Stops. Full-length mirror. She straightens her hair, to look her

best.

JULIANNE:

Michael, I'm married.

Not enough.

JULIANNE:

... and I have two weeks to live.

Changes tone...

JULIANNE:

Michael, I'm trying to be gay,

don't confuse me.

She turns to continue pacing, and walks straight INTO a dresser.

Stuns her, momentarily. Enough, already! She punches up the

number, primping absently in the mirror. When it connects...

JULIANNE:

I was calling Michael O'Neal,

but seeing it's so late, I could

just leave a mes...

No such luck. Cut off. Waits. And then...

JULIANNE (soft)

Good evening, sir. You've been

enrolled in the Obscene Call Of

The Month Club, and th...

MICHAEL (V.O.)

Hey! God, it's so good to hear

your voice.

She forgets herself. Because it's good to hear his, too.

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