Man on the Moon Page #3

The thugs glance at each other.

ANDY (AS FOREIGN MAN) (cont'd)

Pleaze! I just move to America

yezterday! I do not know!

THUG #1

What's in the case?

ANDY (AS FOREIGN MAN)

NO! Eeet, eet is just perzonal

trifles from my homeland --

THUG #2

Shut up! Gimme that thing!

The guy snatches the case. He impulsively BREAKS the

lock... and clothes, congas and records fall out.

The thugs are dismayed.

THUG #1

Goddamn immigrants!

THUG #2

This guy's pathetic. Let's go.

Harsh glances. They angrily turn and leave.

Andy takes a nervous breath, then starts picking his things

off the street. He shouts after the guys:

ANDY (AS FOREIGN MAN)

Tank you veddy much...!

CUT TO:

EXT. NY IMPROV - 1975 - NIGHT

The Improv, the biggest comedy club around. People are

lined up, waiting. The man strides up -- GEORGE SHAPIRO, a

Hollywood talent manager. George is old school: Bronx

accent, shmooze and a hug... but with a surprising sweetness

that is quite disarming. A DOORMAN sees him, grins, and

waves George in.

INT. NY IMPROV, BAR - 1975 - NIGHT

The bar is packed with COMICS and SHOW BIZ TYPES. A few

turn and smile -- "George!" "Hey, George!" George takes a

couple hands, whispers to someone else, then drifts into

the...

INT. NY IMPROV, SHOWROOM - 1975 - NIGHT

Where the show's in progress. Owner BUDD FRIEDMAN sees

George and gives him a bear-hug. Then he hustles George to

a table.

George sits -- and gives the stage his undivided attention.

Up there is a WISEASS COMIC.

WISEASS COMIC:

So I'm getting my mother-in-law a

special Christmas present: A pre-

paid funeral! The mortician asked

me if I wanted her buried, embalmed

or cremated. I said, "Make it all

three! I'm not takin' any chances!"

(the crowd LAUGHS)

Thank you. Good night!

The comic waves and exits. APPLAUSE. George politely

claps. A PIANO PLAYER jumps in with an upbeat show tune.

We think there's a break... when Andy suddenly, awkwardly

steps on stage. He is in character as Foreign Man. Pink

jacket, tie, hair slicked back, frightened like a deer in

headlights. He puts down his big case, pulls out various

junk, and arranges it on chairs.

The room hushes, uncertain as to who the hell this guy is.

Andy tentatively grabs the mike. The stagefright is agony.

ANDY (AS FOREIGN MAN)

Now? Now...?

(looking around)

Tank you veddy much. I am very

happy to be here. I tink -- this is

a very beautiful place. But one

ting I do not like is too much

traffic. Tonight I had to come

from, eh, and the freeway, it was so

much traffic. It took me an hour

and a half to get here!

Andy chuckles, as if this were a punchline.

Silence. The crowd is baffled.

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