Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back Page #2

DANTE:

Would you shut up?!

TEEN 1

(to TEEN 2)

Holy sh*t, dude. The honeymoon's over.

DANTE:

We're not married to each other.

TEEN 1

Well, sure. Not in the eyes of the state or any real church, Skywalker.

RANDAL:

(heading for the phone)

That does it. I'm gonna do something about those two. I shoulda done a long time ago

TEEN 2

In a galaxy far, far away!

TEEN 1

(exiting)

May the Foreskin be with you. Hand Jabba the Hutt.

RANDAL:

(into phone)

Yeah, I want to report a couple of drug dealers out in front of the Quick Stop.

EXT. QUICK STOP--DAY

Jay and Silent Bob are thrown against the wall outside by a COP, who frisks them.

JAY:

What the F***, Serpico? What'd we do?

COP:

We got a report that two guys were hanging around outside the stores, selling pot?

JAY:

We don't smoke pot, yo.

Teen 1 enters and hands Jay rolling papers.

TEEN 1

Here're the rolling papers you wanted for your pot. And your change. Thanks.

(getting in Jay's face)

And The Time sucks ass!

Teen 1 races off.Jay and Bob move to follow, but the Cop stops them, grabbing the

rolling papers out of Jay's hand. He eyeballs the pair.

COP:

No put, hunh? What do you need this for?

JAY:

What? I got a wiping problem. I stick these little pieces of paper over my brown-eye, and

bam--no sh*t stains in my undies.

(unbuttoning pants)

You don't believe me? Lemme show you.

Jay drops his pants and leans against the wall, looking back over his shoulder.

JAY:

Just spread my cheeks a little and you can see the f***ing stink nuggets--

COP:

Pull up your pants up sir, Now!

Jay bends down to pull up his pants and FARTS. Silent Bob cracks up. The Cop grabs

them both, leading them toward the car.

COP:

Let's take a ride down to the station.

JAY:

What? It's suddenly a crime to fart, motherf***er?!

EXT. BRODIE BRUCE'S SECRET STASH COMIC BOOK STORE--DAY

An ESTABLISHING SHOT of Brodie's store in the heart of Red Bank.

BRODIE (O.C.)

No f***ing way!

WE GO TIGHT on the huge, cartoon sign of BRODIE outside to--

INT. BRODIE BRUCE'S SECRET STASH COMIC BOOK STORE--LATER

BRODIE himself, holding a stack of comics in one hand and a Dixie cup in the other, Jay

and Silent Bob follow him as he puts new books in the racks.

BRODIE:

Dante and Randal slapped you with a restraining order?!

JAY:

Judge said if we go within a hundred feet of the stores,we get thrown into County.

BRODIE:

So you gonna abide by the court's ruling or you gonna go Bandit--Reynolds style?

JAY:

F*** yeah! You know what they make you do in county? Toss the f***ing salad! I don't

like this f***'s a**hole; I'm gonna do it for some stranger?

BRODIE:

I guess if you really wanted to hang out in from of a convenience store, you could just

buy your own now--what with all that money you guys made.

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes