Hitch script
Hitch (2005)
Synopsis: While helping his latest client woo the fine lady of his dreams, a professional "date doctor" finds that his game doesn't quite work on the gossip columnist with whom he's smitten.

I'm not a cynic. I'm a realist.

You are a realist masquerading as a cynic

who is secretly an optimist.

What are you doing here?

What is she doing here?

She works here, remember?

No, she doesn't. Not for another four days.

- This couldn't wait.

- It could.

What are you doing? Go back to the beach.

- I don't want you here.

- No, really, you do.

You are becoming

a sick, workaholic lunatic...

and this is exactly...

the kind of nervous, overwrought behavior

that leads to...

Pictures of Sebby with a busty brunette.

A very big raise.

Jesus. You could find dirt in a snowstorm.

Comes with the job.

You know, kiddo, there is more to life

than watching other people live it.

Can I help he was cheating on my beach?

I think it's great

that you're so good at your job.

I'm just a little worried as to why.

Let me worry about that.

Okay. I want that column on my desk

by lunch.

So you'll pay for my hotel?

For you to sip mai tais?

I don't think so. Get out.

- Come on.

- What?

- That's good, right?

- No.

No, it was in and it freaked out.

You know what your problem is, Hitch?

You're all about the short game.

You pick your shots

based on what you see first...

not what's necessarily best for you...

in the long run.

All of us are not married to the woman

of our dreams and about to have a baby.

You know, I'm very happy for you.

Just not meant for everybody.

So please just leave me to my hot, sweaty...

totally varied, wildly experimental

short game.

- I was talking about pool, but whatever.

- Yeah, okay.

Honestly, I just hope one day

you're able to experience...

the unconditional love, trust,

and openness...

that I share with Grace every single day.

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Kevin Bisch

Kevin Bisch is a Smithtown alumni and screenwriter of films such as Hitch starring Will Smith and Kevin James. more…

All Kevin Bisch scripts | Kevin Bisch Books

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