Erik the Viking script
Synopsis: A Viking with a conscience, Erik (Tim Robbins) tires of pillaging and decides to set out on a quest. When the wise Freya (Eartha Kitt) informs Erik that a great mythic wolf has eaten the sun, the warrior resolves to venture to Asgard, home of the Norse gods, to set things right. Before Erik can reach Asgard, he and his allies must first find a magical horn that resides in the land of King Arnulf (Terry Jones), who, luckily for the hero, has a lovely daughter, Princess Aud (Imogen Stubbs).

ERIK:

Scream.

HELGA:

Ah.

ERIK:

Louder.

HELGA:

Aaagh! Rape!

ERIK:

(he'd forgotten about that)

Oh, thanks

Two more Vikings burst in with eyes blazing. They have the very unfortunate names of Ernest and Jennifer, but it doesn't really matter, for reasons which will become obvious very quickly. They are also slightly drunk.

ERNEST:

Rape?

JENNIFER:

Where?

Jennifer the Viking sways and leans against a door post. The marauder's eyes come to rest on Erik and Helga who are standing, fully clothed, about six feet apart. They look slightly puzzled.

HELGA:

He raped me standing up.

There is a pause. Erik looks up at Helga. Why has she saved his face by telling this lie? Jennifer the Viking turns to Erik.

JENNIFER:

You finished, then?

ERIK:

Oh... yes... I suppose so...

ERNEST:

Right! Me first!

JENNIFER:

No! I asked!

Ernest leaps on top of Helga and pins her to the ground. Jennifer joins in. Erik looks stunned for a moment. Then he suddenly leaps to Helga's defence.

ERIK:

Leave her alone!

He pulls Jennifer off, but Jennifer fights back. Erik forces Jennifer back until he falls into the kneading trough. They fight in the dough for some moments, until Erik runs Jennifer through. The dough is stained red, and the film is rid of such an inappropriately named Viking once and for all.

Erik then turns his attention on Ernest who is still on top of Helga. Without a moment's hesitation, Erik runs him through the back. Ernest screams. So does Helga. Erik turns white, and pulls out his sword. Ernest falls over into a heap with his co-misnomer, and Erik kneels beside Helga to find a bloodstain under her breast where he has inadvertently run her through. She is clearly not long for this world.

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Terry Jones

Terence Graham Parry "Terry" Jones (born 1 February 1942) is a Welsh writer, actor, comedian, screenwriter, film director, presenter, poet, historian and author. He is best known as a member of the Monty Python comedy troupe. more…

All Terry Jones scripts | Terry Jones Books

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"Erik the Viking" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 18 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/erik_the_viking_1095>.

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