Ed TV Page #3
- Year:
- 2011
- 403 Views
ED:
Thumbsucker!
RAY:
I'm making a tape.
ED:
We're excited.
7INT. BAR - A FEW MINUTES LATER
Ed and Shari, waiting for drink orders.
ED:
So Ray met the family.
SHARI:
Yeah...
ED:
I hear the dog really liked him.
SHARI:
Oh, the whole family loved him.
Of course, they loved the last
guy I went out with, and he strung
me along for three years and dumped
me.
ED:
Really? You see, to me, you shouldn't
have any trouble with men. There
should be, like, a line behind you.
She takes Ed's beer.
SHARI:
You shouldn't drink.
They LAUGH.
Ed and Shari ARM-WRESTLING. After a struggle, Ed wins. Ed is
impressed.
ED:
Jesus!
Shari wrings out her arm and picks up her beer.
SHARI:
(continuing a previous
conversation)
And, you know, every guy I ever
broke up with, the minute it was
over, I could tell you what went
wrong, how it went wrong, why it
had to go wrong... but when I'm
in it... lost. I'm like a love
coroner. Bring me the corpse,
I'11 tell you what killed it.
But how to prevent it? Lost.
Ed LAUGHS.
ED:
Ray's on.
They walk over.
ANGLE ON RAY:
RAY:
(to camera)
Hi. I'm Ray Pekurney. I'm from
Paramus, New Jersey...
9INT. CYNTHIA'S OFFICE - DAY
She's watching Ray's tape. Ray thinks he's funnier and
cuter than he is.
RAY (ON TAPE)
All my friends tell me "Ray, you've
got too much personality for one guy."
It's like at a party -- I'm at the
center of the attention. Everybody
loves me.
He gets hit in the face by a hors d'oeuvre.
RAY (CONT'D)
Ha, ha, ha. I'll kick your ass.
No really, let me show you my
girlfriend. She's really cute.
He reaches out and grabs Shari's wrist. Shari is struggling
to stay out of frame. We just see her arm and Ray pulling on
it. Ray lets go.
RAY (CONT'D)
She's strong, 'cause she's a Fedex
girl. She lifts those
packages. But she's not dikey at
all, she's really pretty.
CYNTHIA FAST-FORWARDS
WE SEE the camera shooting an empty space.
Then Ed's head appears sideways right in front of the CAMERA.
ED:
Hello I'm Ed.
He starts to sniff.
ED (CONT'D)
What smells?
He steps back from the camera and straightens his head as
he SNIFFS. He's more relaxed than Ray.
ED (CONT'D)
What is that smell? Oop, I think
it's this idea. One person on TV all
day long?
(screams)
Are you nuts?
WE HEAR LAUGHS:
The Real TV Staff are enjoying Ed's tape while they eat
lunch out of styrofoam containers.
ED (CONT'D)
Seriously, get your resumes in
order. When my brother Ray -
whose personality you were just
dazzled by -- told me he was
going to try out for this -- I
said, "why in the world would
anyone want to be on TV all day
long, no privacy, everybody
knowing your business, exposing
life I mean... why would anyone
want to do that? But then I
thought of a reason...
(loudly)
Why the hell not?
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"Ed TV" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/ed_tv_467>.
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