Detectorists script
Detectorists  Season #2 Episode #13 (2014)
Synopsis: Detectorists is a British single camera television sitcom series which was first broadcast on BBC Four on 2 October 2014. It is written and directed by Mackenzie Crook, who also stars in the production alongside Toby Jones. It is set in small fictional town of Danebury in northern Essex. The plot revolves around the lives, loves and detecting ambitions of Andy and Lance, members of the Danebury Metal Detecting Club (DMDC). The series won a BAFTA award at the 2015 British Academy Television Awards for Best Situation Comedy.

LANCE:

Haven’t seen one of them for a few

years.

ART:

The Arado? Yes, very rare these days,

but there’s a few still out there if

you know where to look.

LANCE:

Antique shops?

ART:

They’re certainly classics.

You’ve gone for the CTX I see. *

LANCE:

It’s a good machine.

ART:

A bit flashy for me. *

LANCE:

Yeah. Not really your style. *

ART:

Do you have permission to detect on

this land?

LANCE:

Indeed we do. Do you?

PAUL:

Who from?

LANCE:

Not telling you.

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 5.

ART:

Immature.

LANCE:

Are you?

ART:

No you are.

ANDY:

We got there first.

PAUL:

There’s nothing to stop us getting

permission from the landowner.

ANDY:

Farmer Bishop said we have exclusive

rights. Fifty fifty.

Art indicates the file under his arm.

ART:

Well we shall have to see if we can

make Farmer Bishop a more attractive

proposition.

ANDY:

Who are you? A Bond Villain?

ART:

We have done extensive research. I

assume you’ve done the same?

LANCE:

Of course.

ANDY:

Yep.

ART:

We shall see...

ANDY:

Mr Bond.

Art rubs a watery eye.

LANCE:

Oh god sorry. We didn’t mean to make

you cry.

ART:

It’s hayfever.

LANCE:

Please don’t cry mate. I feel awful.

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 6.

Simon and Garfunkel start to leave the way they came.

ART:

It’s hayfever, I forgot to take an

antihistamine.

LANCE:

Do you want to borrow my hanky?

ART:

I’m not crying.

Andy and Lance watch them go for a long beat.

Eventually Lance shouts out:

LANCE:

Please don’t cry!

They don’t respond.

LANCE:

That doesn’t bode at all well. What

was in the file? They know there’s

something here.

ANDY:

We need to see Bishop, tell him not

to grant anyone else permission.

Lance looks at his watch.

LANCE:

Yeah. Can you pop in and see him on

the way back? I said I’d help Maggie

in the shop.

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Mackenzie Crook

Paul James "Mackenzie" Crook (born 29 September 1971) is an English actor, director, comedian and BAFTA-winning writer. He is best known for playing Gareth Keenan in The Office, Ragetti in the Pirates of the Caribbean films, and Orell in the HBO series Game of Thrones, and is the creator and star of BBC Four's Detectorists. more…

All Mackenzie Crook scripts | Mackenzie Crook Books

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"Detectorists" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 18 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/detectorists_1039>.

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