Detectorists Page #2

Season #2 Episode #13

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ANDY:

What?! When will you learn to say

‘no’?

LANCE:

I don’t want to say ‘no’, I like

helping her.

ANDY:

Alright, I’ll go and see him. But

remember I don’t have any of your

charm and charisma.

LANCE:

Do your best.

203 EXT. BISHOP’S FARM, FARMHOUSE - DAY

Andy approaches Bishop’s run down farmhouse and knocks at

the door.

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 7.

Immediately a commotion starts inside with shouting and

furniture being toppled. As in episode one, we never see or

hear the dogs he is apparently yelling at.

BISHOP (V.O.)

QUIET! For god’s sake! Idiot

animals! Get Down!

Eventually the door opens and Bishop steps out. *

BISHOP:

Yes?

ANDY:

Hello Mr. Bishop it’s me. I came with

my friend to ask about detecting on

your land.

BISHOP:

Ah yes! The metal detectors!

ANDY:

Detectorists.

BISHOP:

Have you found something?

ANDY:

Not yet Mr. Bishop...

BISHOP:

Larry. *

ANDY:

Not yet Larry but we were wondering *

whether you’d mind not giving

permission to anyone else to search

your land?

BISHOP:

Right.

ANDY:

It’s just that there’s a contingency

of rogue detectorists out there...

BISHOP:

Rogues?

ANDY:

Yep, ‘treasure hunters’.

(pause)

Nighthawks.

BISHOP:

Nighthawks?

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 8.

ANDY:

Detectorists who have quite

literally turned to the dark side of

the force. They come under the cover

of night and rob important sites of

their artefacts.

BISHOP:

Good God!

ANDY:

I know. Despicable.

BISHOP:

Tell you what I remembered after

you’d gone.

There were some things ploughed up

years ago that you might be

interested in.

ANDY:

What sort of things?

BISHOP:

Well, I don’t know, trinkets, looked

like costume jewelry to me.

ANDY:

What happened to them?

BISHOP:

They’ll be around somewhere. God knows

where. I offered them to Justine but

she thought they were ugly.

ANDY:

Is that your wife?

Bishop spins around in panic.

BISHOP:

Where?

ANDY:

No! You just mentioned a Justine, I

wondered whether Justine was your

wife?

Bishop’s eyes have glazed over. He is brooding, breathing

heavily.

BISHOP:

Justine isn’t here.

He looks around again. He’s in a different world. Andy

watches uncomfortably. Bishop looks down and stares

intensely at the ground. He eventually bends down to pick up

a large stick. Calls out:

Detectorists - Episode 2 - 9.

BISHOP:

Come on then! Where are you?

Stop chasing those rabbits, you’ll

never catch them you great, fat,

unhealthy creatures.

He throws the stick which stays where it lands. He watches

the stick, chuckling to himself. He is himself again. He

turns back to Andy.

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