Being John Malkovich Page #4

Synopsis: In this quirky cult-favorite comedy, unemployed New York City puppeteer Craig Schwartz (John Cusack) reluctantly takes a temp job as a filing clerk for the eccentric Dr. Lester (Orson Bean). While at work, Craig discovers a portal that leads into the mind of renowned actor John Malkovich. When he lets his attractive co-worker Maxine (Catherine Keener) in on the secret, they begin both an unusual business scheme and an odd relationship that involves Craig's restless wife, Lotte (Cameron Diaz).
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Fantasy
Production: Gramercy Pictures
  Nominated for 3 Oscars. Another 48 wins & 75 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.8
Metacritic:
90
Rotten Tomatoes:
93%
R
Year:
1999
112 min
Website
707 Views


Craig stands, opens Lester's door, and enters.

CUT TO:

INT. LESTER'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Craig enters. Lester, a giant of an old man, sits hunched

behind his tiny desk.

LESTER:

Come in, Mr. Juarez. I'd stand, but,

well, you know.

CRAIG:

(extending his hand)

Actually, my name is Craig Schwartz,

Dr. Lester.

Lester flips an intercom switch.

LESTER:

Security.

CRAIG:

No, it's okay, sir. Just a mixup with

your secretary.

LESTER:

She's not my secretary. She's what

they call an executive liaison, and

I'm not banging her, if that's what

you’re implying.

CRAIG:

Not at all, Dr. Lester. I simply

misspoke.

LESTER:

Tell me, Dr. Schwartz, what do you

feel you can bring to LesterCorp?

CRAIG:

Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer.

LESTER:

(crafty)

You think so, eh? Which comes first,

L or... Glooph?

CRAIG:

Glooph is not a letter, sir.

LESTER:

Damn, you are good. I tried to trick

you. Okay, put these in order.

Lester hands Craig a bunch of index cards. Craig orders

them with amazing speed and dexterity. Lester watches,

eyes wide.

LESTER (CONT'D)

(flips intercom switch)

Floris, get Guinness on the phone.

FLORIS (O.S.)

Gehginnis ondah foam?

LESTER:

Forget it.

FLORIS (CONT'D)

Fork ah did?

LESTER:

(flips off switch)

Fine woman, Floris. I don't know how

she puts up with this damn speech

impediment of mine.

CRAIG:

You don't have a speech impediment,

Dr. Lester.

LESTER:

Flattery will get you everywhere,

my boy. But I'm afraid I have to

trust Floris on this one. You see,

she has her doctorate in speech

impedimentology from Case Western.

Perhaps you've read her memoirs,

"I can't understand a word any of

you are saying."

CRAIG:

No.

LESTER:

Pity, it tells it like it is.

That's why the eastern, read Jewish,

publishing establishment won't touch

it. That's a quote from the book

jacket. George Will, I think.

(beat)

I apologize if you can't understan

a word I'm saying, Dr. Schwartz.

CRAIG:

No. I understand perfectly.

LESTER:

(choking up)

Thank you for being kind enough to

lie. You see, I've been very lonely

in my isolated tower of

indecipherable speech. You're hired.

Any questions?

CRAIG:

Just one. Why is this floor so short?

LESTER:

Low overhead, m'boy. We pass the

savings on to you.

(laughs heartily)

But seriously, that's all covered in

orientation.

CUT TO:

INT. ORIENTATION ROOM - DAY

It's a small screening room with red velvet seats. There

are a few people scattered about the squat theater. Craig

is among them. He looks around the room and his eyes rest

momentarily on Maxine. She is in her late 20's with close

cropped black hair. Her eyes are opaque, her face

expressionless, her countenance trance-like. She glances

over at Craig, then turns back to the screen. The lights

dim. A projector whirs and the screen is illuminated.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote

Charlie Kaufman

Charles Stuart "Charlie" Kaufman (born November 19, 1958) is an American screenwriter, producer, director, and lyricist. He wrote the films Being John Malkovich (1999), Adaptation (2002), and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004). He made his directorial debut with Synecdoche, New York (2008), which was also well-received; film critic Roger Ebert named it "the best movie of the decade" in 2009. It was followed by Anomalisa (2015). more…

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Submitted by acronimous on May 16, 2016

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