American Psycho Page #2

McDERMOTT

But I never told you what happened afterwards. So

okay, I pick up this Vassar chick at Tunnel-hot number, big

tits, great legs, this chick was a little hardbody-and so I

buy her a couple of champagne kirs and she's in the city on

spring break and she's practically blowing me in the

Chandelier Room and so I take her back to my place-

BATEMAN:

Whoa, wait. May I ask where Pamela is during all

this?

McDERMOTT

Oh f*** you. I want a blowj*b, Bate-man. I want a chick

who's gonna let me-

VAN PATTEN:

(Putting his hands over his ears)

I don't want to hear this. He's going to say something

disgusting.

McDERMOTT

You prude. Listen, we're not gonna invest in a co-op

together or jet down to Saint Bart's. I just want some

chick whose face I can sit on for thirty, forty minutes.

Price throws a cigar at McDermott, who catches it.

McDERMOTT

Anyway, so we're back at my place and listen to

this. She's had enough champagne by now to get a f***ing

rhino tipsy, and get this-

VAN PATTEN:

She let you f*** her without a condom?

McDERMOTT

This is a Vassar girl. She's not from Queens. She

would only-are you ready?

(Dramatic pause)

She would only give me a handjob, and get this...she kept

her glove on.

The men sit in shocked, horrified silence.

ALL IN UNISON Never date a Vassar girl.

EXT. TUNNEL NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

The limo pulls up to the sidewalk outside the Tunnel.

McDermott holds the door open for a passing HOMELESS MAN,

who looks confused.

McDERMOTT

I suppose he doesn't want the car. Price, ask

him if he takes American Express.

PRICE:

(Offering card)

You take Amex, dude?

The man stumbles away. The club DOORMAN, seeing the limousine,

unhooks the

velvet rope and welcomes them inside.

INT. LADIES ROOM, TUNNEL - NIGHT

Brilliant white light, a bemused elderly female attendant in a

black-and-white maid's uniform trying to give out paper towels.

MUSIC thuds through an open doorway. Trashed-looking girls

stare into mirrors repairing their eye make-up or sit on the

counter chatting to friends. There are almost as many men as

women in the room. Couples stand in line, twitching as they

wait to do coke. As soon as one bathroom door opens, a couple

lurches out rubbing their noses while another couple rushes

past them and slams the door.

PRICE:

There's this theory out now that if you can catch the

AIDS virus through having sex with someone who is infected,

then you can also catch anything-Alzheimer's, muscular

dystrophy, hemophilia, leukemia, diabetes, dyslexia, for

Christ's sake-you can get dyslexia from p*ssy-

BATEMAN:

I'm not sure, guy, but I don't think dyslexia is a

virus.

Rate this script:4.3 / 6 votes