American Pie Page #4

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JESSICA:

Vicky, it's not a space shuttle

launch, it's sex. So did you do the

physics write-up?

VICKY:

(offended, a la Kevin)

Please.

INT. EAST GREAT FALLS - SENIOR LOCKERS - DAY

Kevin, Jim, and Oz are still walking down the hall.

PAUL FINCH, preppy, eccentric, is sitting on a bench.

JIM:

There's our man.

KEVIN:

Finch, you got the Latin homework?

FINCH:

Non habeo. Canis meus id comedit.

The guys keep staring. A beat.

KEVIN:

Whatever.

Someone is HOLLERING down the hall. Running towards Oz

is STEVE STIFLER -- very clean-cut and preppy, he's a

maniac, a jackass, much worse than Oz. Not really part

of the group.

STIFLER:

(yelling)

NOVA!!

OZ:

Stifler!!

Stifler runs full-force into Oz, grabbing him in a bear

hug.

STIFLER:

You coming to party tonight,

Ostreicher, ya fuckface?

OZ:

Depends if my date wants to stop by.

STIFLER:

That junior chick?

OZ:

Nah, gave her the Heisman. I'm

working on something new.

STIFLER:

Yeah right. I got an idea for

something new. How 'bout you guys

actually locate your d*cks, remove the

shrink wrap, and f***in' use 'em.

OZ:

Dude, it's gotta happen -- she's a

college chick!

STIFLER:

Bullshit. From where?

OZ:

She works part-time at my dad's store.

STIFLER:

Hah! Yeah, Oz, I bet it's more like

your dad works at her store.

OZ:

Dude, he does not.

KEVIN:

Really, Stifler. He's the manager.

Oz gives a little nod, avoiding the issue.

STIFLER:

Hey, man, I'm not making fun. I'm

f***in' impressed. I mean, "Footlong

or six-inch, white or wheat," that's

some serious sh*t to master.

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