Airplane II: The Sequel Page #3

Simon hands Elaine the rose. She takes his arm as they walk

towards the sign that reads, "MERCURY SHUTTLE."

SIMON:

For the best little computer officer on

the Mercury mission.

ELAINE:

(smiling)

Simon.

SIMON:

Who would believe that Elaine Thompson was

once a stewardess on the Denver-Chicago

run.

ELAINE:

And I can hardly believe that I'm engaged

to someone like you, Simon. I'm a very

lucky woman.

A man with a suitcase on a leash walks beside them. The

case pulls him along like a dog and takes a leak on a post.

SIMON:

Women and the space program have come a

long way, sweetheart. But after the

wedding, no more complicated computers for

my little girl.

ELAINE:

But, darling, they've offered me a chance

to head up the computer analysis division

for the Jupiter probe.

SIMON:

You're heading up the division in charge

of babies for Mr. and Mrs. Simon Kurtz.

He kisses Elaine and smiles.

SIMON:

And that's an order, Lieutenant.

The man with the case on a leash passes a woman with a case

on a leash. The cases start a violent, BARKING DOG FIGHT.

EXT. REAR OF TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT

SARG (imagine George Kennedy), dressed in a tuxedo, tie

undone, with a huge cigar, which he eats during the

conversation, talks to his wife on his car phone. A worker

in hard hat waits next to him. Behind the worker are fuel

drums and a large sign that reads: DANGER, FUEL --

ABSOLUTELY NO SMOKING, ABSOLUTELY NO SPITTING.

SARG:

(on car phone)

Marge, you better go without me. We've

got a condition red.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH WIFE AT HOME.

MARGE:

(in evening gown, a cigar stuck

in her mouth)

We've got a condition red with our

marriage. I think you're in love with

that shuttle, not with me. I want a

divorce, Sarg.

Sarg lights his cigar.

SARG:

Is there someone else, Marge? Is that it?

Sarg throws the lit match towards the "ABSOLUTELY NO

SMOKING" sign. The worker grimaces but nothing happens.

MARGE:

Sarg, there's been someone else for

fifteen years. You were just too involved

in your work to see it.

They hang up. Sarg bites off the end of his cigar and spits

it in the direction of the "NO SPITTING" sign, blowing the

worker OUT OF FRAME with a MASSIVE EXPLOSION. Sarg hops

into his car, takes a Lava lamp from the seat and puts it on

the car roof -- like Kojak's flasher. The lamp flashes, the

SIREN WAILS, as Sarg pulls away.

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