Bulletproof

I believe in America.

I believe in the American dream.

I believe in

the American way of life,

...that every American should have

an honest job, a family...

And a home

to call their own.

And two, two cars in

every garage, you betcha.

What does this car do

for 100 grand?

Play with your nuts

while you drive?

That would beat the sh*t

out of cruise control.

Anybody that would drop 100 grand

on a car deserves to get it stolen,

- then the sh*t kicked out of 'em. Hey, I'm driving.

- Hell, no.

- What are you talking about, no?

- 'Cause you drive like that kid Corky from Life Goes On.

Well, you drive

like a goddamn maniac.

Why don't you yell louder?

I don't think you woke anybody up yet.

You're wrong.

Uh-oh.

# Jump me

Let me take you back in time #

See the size

of that guy's gun?

That was a big gun.

- Hey, what's wrong with you?

You said the guy wasn't home.

- Uh-oh, we got company.

- Aw, sh*t!

# On the brink with my. 357 #

# The tab on your drink

Boom, boom, went to heaven #

# Move over on the right

Feels so dang heavy #

Don't let 'im kill me, man!

I got sh*t to do tomorrow!

Aw, no!

Watch it!

All right, all right. People.

Sh*t!

We didn't hit 'em.

We didn't.

Okay, you happy?

You messed with me.

Why are we parked

in front of a police station?

Yo, officer!

Excuse me.

You smoke crack tonight?

- Shh, it's gonna be fine.

- Yeah?

Could you help a brother out?

We tryin' to get to Disneyland.

The two of you are

on your way to Disneyland?

Yeah, this

is my retarded friend.

He's from, uh,

Arkansas or somewhere,

and he wants to go

to Disneyland.

Right, you wanna go

to Disneyland, man?

- Disneyland.

- See, Disneyland?

Where? I love the way he says Dis...

Say that again.

Disneyland.

He loves Disneyland,

so that's where we tryin' to go.

All right,

go east on 10.

When you get to the 5,

you go south to Anaheim.

Signs all over the place.

Signs all over the place.

So the cop, man, not only was he stupid,

he gave us directions.

- That man drew us a map to this place.

- Yeah, he got me.

But you do that again,

I swear to God...

Hi, Mimi. I got it.

Let's see.

You can get drinks

for everybody, okay?

Thanks, Archie.

To the Rock and Archie Show.

You know that. Yo, man, there's

somethin' I ain't understandin' here.

Everything we get, we split

down the middle, right?

Of course we do.

We're partners.

So tell me this, partner. Why your

bankroll always fatter than mine?

You got money problems

or something?

I mean, well, it ain't no sh*t

I can't handle. You know, a little...

Well, whatever's mine is yours.

You know that.

Yeah, I know that.

Ooh, I like that.

Easy, lover boy.

- Any woman that fine got to have a man somewhere.

- So?

"So"? So you fight like Peter McNealy.

You wanna get your ass whooped again?

That's the beauty of havin' you

around, man. You got my back.

You hope.

- What?

- What do you mean, what?

- I heard you calling me over here.

- I didn't call you over here.

My friend told me you called me

over here to make out with me.

- He said you said that.

- Are you kidding?

What? He's the one

who said it. I will if...

What's up?

What the f*** do you

think you're doin'?

Sh*t.

I know, uh, it looks like I was

hittin' on your girlfriend here.

But, uh... in actuality,

I was f***in' hittin' on her

harder than you think, motherf***er.

So why don't you

step the f*** back...

before I b*tch-slap

your f***in' hiney?

I'm gonna kill you.

Hey, my man,

is there a problem here?

Yeah, there's a problem. F***in'

snatchface is a f***in' problem, man!

- Archie, chill!

- Motherf***er! I'll bite your f***in' ear off!

- Arch, chill.

- I'm tryin' to chill, man. Daddy dipshit won't let me.

He's drivin' me nuts with them f***in'

crazy eyes and that armpit stench!

Okay, okay, okay. Apparently

you all got some sh*t to work out.

No, no, no, no, no.

We worked this sh*t out.

I'm glad we worked

this sh*t out, man.

Let me buy you a drink.

You buy me...

Kick him in the balls.

Kick him in the balls.

Now it's on, motherf***er.

Now it's on!

- Keats!

- Man, not like that.

- So what's up?

- Like this.

Ooh, that's

the old school sh*t.

Honey!

Oh, muffin!

- Oh, honey, okay.

How's your twinkie, huh?

Yo, man, what kind of

nasty-ass meat is that you're eatin'?

Look like some sh*t outta

Jeffrey Dahmer's refrigerator.

Thanks, man.

All right, thank you.

All right.

Let me tell you somethin'.

I do got some sh*t goin' on.

You know, that car stealin' sh*t

we've been doin', that's fine.

I have a good time doin'

that with you, but I...

My serious income's

comin' from this guy, Keats.

I'm tellin' you, he is

the biggest drug lord in the west.

- The biggest.

- Get outta here.

You know, Ron, of all your

inventions, this is probably the one...

My mother just started

using that stuff; it works.

And two, two cars

in every garage.

Check it out.

There's the man himself.

Come on down to Colton Motors.

Fetch your piece of that American dream.

What do you do

for the car guy?

I'm the point man.

I set up drops and meet the shipments.

All I gotta do is make sure

Mr. Colton is happy.

Well, if he's as large as you say he is,

then he's got to be happy.

I've been thinking about this sh*t,

and... You need money...

Basically, you're the only guy

I've ever trusted in my entire life.

So I was thinking I could talk

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