Overboard

Dock five, the Immaculata?

It's over there!

Oh!

I cannot, I repeat, cannot

sit in this cesspool by the sea

with nothing to do.

So, while you repair your silly boat

engines, I will do some remodelling.

- I've sent for a carpenter.

- Whatever, diddums. I'm shooting skeet.

Hello!

Mr Stayton? Anybody home?

- Hello!

- State your purpose!

- Nice-looking Wetherby you got.

- It's a very expensive gun.

- I have lots and lots of them.

- Somebody call for a carpenter?

That's my wife's department.

Could you tell me

where your wife might... be?

You're the carpenter?

Yeah. Dean Proffitt.

You're late.

- References?

- Well, no, not really.

You see, I just moved up to this area...

Hey, I've been doing this kind

of sh*t - work - for years.

This is... This is just beautiful. Wow!

- Try not to touch anything.

- Oh, I won't.

Andrew will keep an eye on you.

Maybe you'd like to take fingerprints

before I get started.

I was just... kidding.

Don't walk so close to me!

OK! Where's your problem?

- My closet.

- Uh-huh.

In here.

Now, you can see

how inadequate this all is.

I need new shoe racks for my shoes.

Uh, excuse me. I was told that

this was some kind of an emergency.

It is.

And I need drawers for my lingerie.

I can't keep entering

these boxes all the time.

Hello?

Uh... Hey, I'm sorry. I understand now.

You want me to remodel your closet.

Isn't that what I've been explaining

in some detail?

Is English your second language?

What is that odour?

I don't smell anything.

Madam.

Well! I almost had to wait.

I got an idea for a shoe rack

right in here maybe, huh?

What is this gelatinous muck?!

Andrew, when I tell you to pack staples,

must I specify that you are to pack

good caviar and not this $1.99 fish bait!

- Yes, madam.

- Caviar should be round and hard

and of adequate size.

And it should burst in your mouth

at precisely the right moment.

Yes, madam.

- Carpenter!

- Yeah?

You have exactly 48 hours.

I suggest you get started.

- Throw that out.

- Yes, madam.

Watch him.

Mais oui! Bien sur!

Oui?

Ecoutez, Jean-Jacques.

Je vous telephone...

Oh, boy. She is really something!

I know it will cost me,

but it's the cutest little painting.

I simply must have it.

You'll do the bidding for me?

But of course(!)

- Bid 1,700,000.

- Sh*t!

Grant, I'm on the phone!

I can't hear you, tea rose!

I'm shooting skeet!

- Pull!

- Pull!

Firing!

Hello.

Forks were invented so man

could at least make a pretence

- of separating himself from the apes.

- So were thumbs.

- What did you say?

- Nothin'. Just... my stomach.

Well, try to control your bodily noises

so I can hear myself think!

And another

Oregon good morning to you.

Wilbur Budd here with some local items.

The Fraga Feed and Fertilizer folks

are hiring people to shovel the stuff.

Oh, women are welcome, too. There's

no chauvinism in the manure business.

These gnats keep landing

on my wet nail polish.

I guess I'm supposed to walk around with

their little corpses stuck to my fingers.

- Joanna, please!

- It's easy for you to say!

You don't have to sit out here in the brine

with your perm frizzing to oblivion.

I look like a bushman.

Why don't you go inside

and get out of the sea air?

Because that Elk Snout mountain man

is still working on my closet.

He's sweating all over the place.

I doubt if he's even housebroken.

- Oh, I think they housebreak each other...

- Ssh!

- What?

- He's listening.

- Who?

- That carpenter.

He's been hanging on our every word

for the last two days.

It's your project, Joanna. You deal with it.

- Come along, men.

- The engines are ready, sir.

Well, let's get going.

I've finished, madam.

Shall I put your jewellery back on you?

No.

I'm still tacky.

Keep quiet for ten more minutes, collect

the money and get the hell outta here.

Well! Are we amusing you?

- What... is this?

- Uh, well, I'm done. I'm finished.

- Uh... What do you think?

- What is it?

Well, it's a shoe rack... with a twist.

Uh... You ready?

Just turn the crank here, those drop back,

these split. Gives you twice the space...

Stop boring me with your absurdities.

What's it made of?

It's called wood. It's oak.

Oak. An oak closet?

Huh! Why am I even amazed?

I don't know. Why are you amazed?

One would think you would know closets

are made of cedar. If not, we get moths.

Well, lady, there's not a real big

moth problem off the Pacific coast.

But if you want one out of cedar,

that's fine. I'll start all over.

I just have to tell ya that's gonna

more than double my estimate.

- What do you mean?

- I've already done this out of oak, so...

- I'm not paying for your mistake!

- I'm not just gonna eat it on this deal.

Why not?

You've eaten everything else here.

And you will eat it

because I wanted cedar!

You may have wanted cedar,

but you didn't ask for it.

The entire civilised world

knows closets are made of cedar!

In Elk Snout,

we don't know about them closets!

Nor bathrooms, neither! Sh*t, woman!

You're lucky I am housebroke!

- You were listening.

- Well, it was kinda hard to avoid.

- You can avoid it now - you're fired!

- You're unbelievable!

That's fine with me!

Just pay me the money you owe me.

- The job was not done to my satisfaction!

- I got news for you, lady!

No job will ever be done

to your satisfaction!

That's quite enough! Now, just get out!

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